from this far away both literally and figuratively what is going on in the dynamic of your family (who's head is willingly and knowingly neglecting it) is causing just too much harm to young lives ...including your own.
it is nearly unthinkable to place myself in your shoes BBJ ...and I am this far away & just receiving snippets. I won't say anymore cuz I do realize that this is clearly not a forum that knucklehead can share his side on though.
...where's that fr@@#&$ anvil with the gigantic words COUNSELING on it so that I can make an aerial drop on his head.
You've sure moved a lot! you got me way beat, I've been at the same place for over 30 years.
I always felt I supported my H in all the things he wanted to do, heck I could even prove it! Everyone said so too! Then H comes along and says I never supported him at all! I was hurt and flabbergasted. But, the issue wasn't really what I did or did not do - it was how H perceived it. There is the difference.
In your list of reads I hope you included 5LL, Stop Blaming Start Loving, Benefits of Staying Married.
I hope I didn't offend too much with a different perspective. I am often accused of not being normal.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
So last night was the last swim lesson where they gave progress reports, I was already there and Dan came after Sydney's but before Nathan's so he got to see Nathan swim. I spent the lesson talking to the head of the aquatics dept. about getting the kids in private lessons...
Was going to leave right after lesson but Dan asked/told me he couldn't take both kids in his truck as he was 'down a car seat'...then he told them we could go to Pizza Hut. I took the kids and then I told him I could come back and pick them up if necessary and they got all sad and whiny about how they wanted mommy to eat dinner. Dan said "Yes, you should stay, no need to leave" and I caved because of the kids. I know I should have left but I talked to Sydney at dinner anyway.
Then I took the kids home and my bike was back, my cousin's H had fixed it for me. So I took off on my bike and he had the kids. I did my own thing and waited until I knew they would be in bed. Came back and he was just coming out of their room to leave, good timing.
Oh so nice of him, he told me tonight that it wasn't really me, his views on relationships and women are so skewed (hmm...overbearing/clingy mom(mil), porn and affairs with lying crazy women will do that!) that he is in no place to be in a relationship with ANY woman. That he doubted he would EVER want to be in a relationship again...That the only woman he would have an R with would be me, but right now the ONLY reason for that even, was the kids. But he was nice enough to add that he HOPED his feelings changed and he decided he wanted to be with me...and he still and always would love me and that is why he liked to fix things around the house for me???(This was all said as he walked out to his car and I was running out to mine to look for my cell phone, which I found under the seat??)
Geez, what a mess. If he has no desire to have a relationship with me then I am sure he will love my removing myself from the situation. Nathan told me what he wanted to do tonight, I had him call Dan and talk to him about it. I am not involved. They can do whatever they want and I won't be joining in...I think they are going to MIL/FIL house tonight to hang out since I made it clear I was not included.
I don't want to say it, but don't cave for the kids! It just sends more mixed messages. Of course, Dan put you in the position where if you left you were the bad guy, so I would have probably done the same thing.
I still get the feeling that he says "I don't know how" when he means "I don't want to work at it, or look at myself." Grrrrrrr!
Bbj, to me, it sounded like he has made a decision for the first time. I am sorry but his words seem pretty clear to me. And all that BS about never wanting a R again, well..., that's just BS. I wouldnt be surprised if he has been seeing the OW on and off. Sorry sis, I know I sound harsh but I have to be honest with you... Stay strong, xxx K
Well he mixed it up a little, Jeff. There was no "I don't know how", it was "I have no desire to...", and then he lumped in ALL women, I don't know if that was to make me feel better or what, like "It isn't you, I don't want to be married or accountable to ANY woman"...
Of course for many of these men in their mid-30s that winds up followed by,
"Hey, honey, meet Mindee, my new 21-yr old gf. Met her at that gentlemen's club by the airport...anyway she's pregnant and we want to get married."
