Nope, I understood. To me that's nothing, GALing isn't really GALing anymore. It's my life. I have tennis tonight (hope the rain holds off) then again tomorrow, then yoga on Wednesday, Thursday he's got his golf league, then this weekend he's got a golf tournament.....but he did ask me to go to Casino Night which is a big shin dig done with this tournament. Everyone dresses up, blah blah blah. Lots of fun and it's me with him with all the golf buddies.....so big step there too. So, again, doing nothing, but the normal stuff for me and S. Trying to be "less smug" but I think he understood after I explained, not smug, just trying to let him work it all out.
Yea, I knew you understood. Please dont think I am getting on you for things. I am just trying to help, really. But, yeah I know, dont you hate those buts. But, we dont care what he is doing on Thursday and the weekend -only what you are - ya know?
And I know its hard, but try not to look at anything as a big step or little step or a crooked step. Just take it for what it is - no more, no less and enjoy the day.
Expectations of any kind will cause you problems. Take it from me, I had a big one this weekend. I had it all wrong. Mach will vouch for that one, right Mach?
Ok, I am ready with my baseball mitt, whatcha got?
Well, at this point, today, last night, not sure why, but I'm feeling angry. I need to get my mind out of this....but my thoughts are over run with "What the he!! was he thinking? How could he treat me like that? And for a stupid person."
And part of it is because he now knows, the OW is a piece of crap. And while I'm happy he knows that now, he learned it on his own the hard way, I'm mad he didn't trust me. I understand he was in no place or mindset to listen to me, I'm only his wife, mother of his child.....
MWD does say this will happen and to work through it, so I'm here, working through it and not yelling at H like I want to.
I keep telling myself, "But you've worked so hard, you finally heard him say Sorry and you know he meant it, and he's said it more than once already. And you know he knows she's a horrible person......so why are you mad? Get over it. Things are on a good track now, work with it, run with it!"
But I'm suffering from the pissed offs. Get me out of here.
And (this makes me even more of an odd ball) I know, and I mean I KNOW, this probably had to happen to my marriage. I admit it, I was NOT hearing my H when he tried to tell me he was unhappy or what the problems were from his perspective. I was horrible about that, I know and that was my contribution to getting us here. I know this could in the long run be what I needed to go through with him to strengthen this marriage to make it unbreakable in the future......
Listen, dont be so hard on yourself. You're pissed because this sucks, because the person you trusted most in the world, betrayed you. And that's ok as long as it is part of a process that you have to go through.
I do not use MLC as a get-out-of-jail free card. Ultimately, they are responsible for the choices they make. But, they are theirs to own and we have to let them.
We have to own our choices. So, you could be pissed. It's ok. Scream, punch a pillow, punch your h (oops, how did that slip in there?) say a prayer, whatever and then try to let it go. Because if you dont, you dont get to move forward on the journey.
I KNOW!!!!! I have been holding it all in. Here's what I get pissed about and I'm trying to not think about it too much and then if I do, I'm trying to channel it, like Mach1 suggested:
1. He was going to throw us away for a person many others warned him was a piece of crap. 2. He was mean to me. (This I can get around, I know that. I was mean too sometimes.) 3. I'm not sure what happened physically with them..... 4. He would do things that showed more respect toward her than me. For example, I would call, he wouldn't answer because he was with buddies. But she would call and he'd get up to speak with her. This INFURIATES me. May sound odd, all things considered but this REALLY bugs me.
