P.S. OK, now is your H an attorney too? I'm having trouble figuring out the logic of the sitch with XOW co-worker. Why would he lose his job? Is she extorting him in some way? Could there be something she could extort with, or has she at least convinced him that she could do something to hurt him in various ways?
It sounds as though he has some fear about her, especially when it comes to firing her.
I'm glad you're seeing an attorney yourself to get realistic advice. Do you have all the information you need about what your H could be afraid of? Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable disclosing his fears to you, while you both are still trying to heal. Maybe he's the one that needs to get some strong legal advice about how to get rid of the XOW.
