You are getting such great advice. Let it enter AND REMAIN in your heart.
The logistics, SMISTICS...of course that will overwhelm you and is such a great way to stay stuck. Remember that female doc I had as a client who really worried about ending up penniless on the streets? Okay so you won't earn 6 figures right away but your worst fears won't come true either. GET A GRIP A/K, you can do this.
At one point, I too had some pretty real and pretty crazy fears...all the "stuff I helped us "EARN" would now all be gone and some OW would jump in my pool and I'd be poor and blah blah blah. IN your h's sitch - lots of that stuff may NEVER be earned, or "owned" but a lot is already owed b/c you both thought you "should" have more. You bought into his choices or allowed the delusions/ratonalization that you have to "look" successful to get clients so of course you have to wear the right clothes, drive the right car, and eat in Spagos...or at least, HE does...
For me I finally said, "it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had to live in my sister's basement, b/c I won't put up with THIS anymore"...
There are many lessons here for your kids and they are not all about "standing"....when your h disses you too much, or they are financially threatened, which for Pete's sake, YOU ARE...you will have to put them first. I don't know what exactly the t meant when she said you are not ready to divorce him. What does she think it'll take? Glad you are seeing the Clinical person but do they mean YOU need more help or what? (I don't think you are crazy, for the record...hate having to say that too....)
SMW's advice about finding peace--take it in. Get your "mantra". I'll share a "contract" I made with myself 20 years ago at a great workshop, that I keep about 75% of the time...and when it refers to "inner authority" it means boundaries and not owning or taking on someone else's 'poop'...and not letting THEM into your heart or your "jurisdiction".
(Since I'm a L, I love analogies. And it helps me to think of myself as a state. Like Iowa cannot tell Ohio, "Oh hey, WE in Iowa are really pissed about the tornado that came thru our capital, and want YOUR citizens to pay up...so pay up!" Don't let your h's 'state of affairs' get into your peace of mind. Or heart.
"By affirming my own inner goodness and authority, I invite joy and love into my life"...
Come up with your own and find one that feels authentic. There is nothing negative or "don't do this" about it. It's all what you CAN do to be happy. You may borrow mine if it helps you, until you find your own inner truth. Like SMW, I find mine in God, "Higher Power", the Universe...whatever. He/It is there for YOU.
((( j )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
