Mother's Day Disaster

[BeingMe]

I do have some good news though. I passed my degree with a distinction and graduate on Friday. Also I got an article approved for publication in the professional press and it will appear in Saturday's edition. I just wish I had someone special to share all of this with.

Congratulations! Don't worry about the future. You just don't know what will happen. Your special someone could walk into your life tomorrow. And, S16 may be in your house when he has to study. Ya just never know what the future holds.

As for the legal fees --- since your H won't sign, perhaps he can be held responsible for court fees and such?

Okay ACJ, I'm going to hit you with a rather large 2x4 --- sorry! It is just my opinion, and I may be completely wrong, but from some of your posts, it feels like you hold your children responsible (or, at least, partially) for your happiness or lack thereof. They shouldn't even know how hurt you are. It's none of their business. Rather, be sure to let them know that you're okay. It feels like you put them through a guilt trip if they're not accommodating your pain. It's not fair on them. So! You gots to use DB'ing with them too. Make your house the greener grass.

When you're around them ---- be cheerful and happy to see them (which I'm sure you do, but don't mention any negative feelings you may have as well). Try and even be goofy and don't be afraid of making fun of yourself. Tell funny stories about when you were younger (well, my kids like that sort of thing).

Make your home attractive to them ---- set up a teen room where they can entertain their friends ---- set up a dart board, stereo, games, Wii, DDR (Dance Dance Revolution which my youngest daughter loved during her 12-14 yr old period), dvd player, kareoke, computer, or whatever they enjoy playing, etc. (you probably have some of these things anyway, but try and put it in one room, with couches and tables where they can put their feet up and not be afraid to mess on).

Instead of going to the movies, perhaps you could invite your kids to a movie night at home with friends, so that you could introduce the new hang-out room. Don't say anything about it, just let them hang out. Don't make it too obvious or too important. If you do comment, just say that you want them to be comfy in your home, and you want them to have fun when they're there, since it seems as if S16 isn't coming back (unless this works) and D14 only spends half her time there.

Whatever you do, don't let them feel bribed.

So, now I have 'reorganized' your life, I just want you to know that I realise I am assuming a lot here. Please don't be cross with me. I say all this with much love. I am just telling you what worked for us during our kids' teen years. Our house was always full of their friends 'cause our house was the fun place to be (on purpose). Yet, things were always out in the open so I could keep a surreptitious eye on them. I always had snacks and soda, etc. If any kid got out of hand, I would act really disappointed (i.e. "geesh, dude, I'm really sorry, but that's not cool, so I gotta let ya go home.").

No harm in trying it. Think about it. And, if the kids aren't there, you can play with the stuff yourself. I particularly like the Wii Fit.