Finally trying to move on without H

[hopeful_cb]

Its great news about the interview, way to go. Sorry about the trouble with the cosigner and apt, maybe something will come up or work out? All you can do is keep trying.

Lots of goals set for yesterday, glad that is helping. And I like the idea of making a list of 10 things to do instead as well. I am a fan of lists they always help me!

[beepee]

thanks hopeful, im going to try really hard to figure out something when it comes to the apt. i really hope everything works out in the end. I WILL KEEP TRYING!

ok so now i have HUGE QUESTION for everyone. the phone number that used to belong to my H is now my number because i canceled it on him and took it because my number's contract is ending soon so i replaced it with his number. so i got a call from someone looking for him and i told them that this isnt his number anymore and they told me that it was really important and for me to get the message to him that he needs to call them back right away. should i break the No Contact rule for this, which ive been doing so well with?

i know if someone called for me, he wouldnt let me know but i dont want to be like him because i dont like the person he is now. but i feel like this message was important. so...i dont know, what should i do guys??? do i email him and let him know or do i forget about it?

[Virtually_Handsome]

Why not give the person that wanted to contact him another means to do that? Either another phone number, or an email address. It really isn't your problem.

As far as finding a place to live in the city.... are you also looking for opportunities to be someone elses' room mate? There must be people needing to split expenses, just like you. Even just a room, for the short term, would help with the job, and everything else.

[beepee]

hi VH:

i dont have his new number is he even has one. and i forgot to give them his email address so thats donewith now..i know its not my problem but i feel bad if i dont let him know, esp if its really important. im just trying to treat it in the same way id like to be treated. if he got a call like that, id want him to let me know, know what i mean? still dont think its a good idea to contact him anyway. if he wanted to know, hed email me and ask me if anyone called for him. thats it, ill just look at it that way!

as for the apt, i have already found a roommate to split the costs with, the only problem is getting a cosigner which i dont have and cant find. the guy is already living at the apt but his roommate is moving out in sept and needs someone to fill her place (me) and sign a new lease with him but because i would be a new tenant, they need to do a credit check and since im not working and my credit is bad, i need a cosigner. so i dont know what to do at this point.

[Gardener]

Can you use that address until you solve this? Tell job that's where you'll be living, just not finalized yet. Buy you some time.
Re:interview...
Go there beforehand so you know exactly where it is, how to get there, how long it takes, and so it looks somewhat familiar to you on that day. Write and memorize a 1 minute "beepee professional story". Light on companies/titles, zero in on measurable results/accomplishments.
Remember that many interviewers don't like interviewing either. They will dump it on you, "So, Beep, tell me about yourself," Take a breath, clarify and place it back on them "I'd love to, Employer, what exactly would you like to know?"

"Do you have any questions?" Don't give them pap, here. Try something like
"What really needs to be done in this position? What should I hit the ground running with?" "What do I absolutely have to accomplish in the first Xweeks/months that would make you say,'I'm glad I hired Beep?'"
"What's your greatest fault" and similar cookie-cutter questions: don't give them crap like "I'm too detail oriented or any of those even-my-faults-are-attributes answers. Have one ready in advance that is/was specific to a past job that probably doesn't apply to this one. Nothing generic.
Intro: Start with "Thanks for seeing me. I've been looking forward to meeting you." YOU ask a question when he/she's 'wrapping it up': "Is there anything else you need to ask me or anything in your mind I haven't covered in enough depth?"
When you're leaving, ask what/when is the next step in the process.
Don't forget the obvious. State it as such' "One last thing, if I may state the obvious: I can do this job and I want to be very clear...I want this job." (if'n, of course, you do at this point, because don't forget: You're interviewing them, too.
If you get nervous, take a breath and repeat the question slowly before answering. Like you're thinking "that's a good question," without saying, "that's a good question."
Good luck.

[mishka422]

WOW! Those are great Gardener. We all can use that kind of help in interviewing skills. I'm taking notes.

Beep - Congrats on the interview! I just know you will do great. As far as the anxiety, the prep work is SO important. Write down possible questions regarding the job that they might ask you so that you are ready for them, also do exactly what Gardener said!!!!! I find it helpful to do calming breathing before any big presentation or interview. Find a dark quiet space (bathroom stalls will work too, just not so serene!), get in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and breathe in slowly through your nose for 10 counts. Breathe out slowly through your mouth for 10 counts. Make sure your intake and outgo are even and controlled. Do this for approximately 5 minutes. Most importantly, clear your mind. Do not let it wander into thinking about ANYTHING!!!! This is relaxation time, not thinking time.

[Gardener]

mishka,
Good thoughts on the quiet place, breathing, etc

And beep,
You are competing with other interviewees. But you can do the job! That's why they called you in. They know it.
And you are equal to the others (at least on paper ). That's why, out of large, xnumber of applicants, only you and these other 2, 3, 4, people made it to interview: in their mind you are equal.

So, repeat after me: "I am the best person for this job. I know it. Interviewer doesn't, yet. I've got 20 minutes to show him/her."

Also, you've really got about 3-5 minutes. Research shows that most interviewers make up their mind on a gut level in 3-5 minutes and will spend the rest of the time looking (and finding) reasons to justify that gut feeling. So, like mishka says, find that dark, quiet, breathing space. Relax. Keep in mind that even if you can relax just for those first few minutes, you help your chances. Save the nervous for the rest of the interview . And don'y worry about it: They expect nervous. It's natural. They're going to be a bit nervous.

[beepee]

Gardener: FANTASTIC advice.
i'll make sure to go over everything you wrote and practice today and tomorrow. i also have to read up about them so i can ask them some questions about that.

as far as the apt goes, you have to show them proof of residency by showing them a bill or somethng with your name and address on it. but im sure theyll give me some time to find a place. im just so nervous as it is a govt job and i really really want it and because im so excited, im so nervous im gonna muck it up! but i will practice today and tomorrow and make sure that im ready for any questions that come my way. ill be sure to do lots of deep breathing exercises as well as that is the biggest worry i have right now. but ill be ok! im gonna do this and im gonna give it my best!!

thank you all for your amazing advice!! its definitely going to help me on friday and if i get the job, i owe it all to you guys for your endless support!!

so journaling a bit here:
had a dream about my H..that he came back and it was sooooo real and vivid. i woke up for a second and thought that it was real but after a few seconds, came back to reality. sigh.

i cant believe im on my 5th day of NC with the H. and of course no contact from him at all. i hate this so much because he's the person in my life (before) that id go to with big news and i loved sharing it with him, everyone has that one person im sure, he was that one person for me and it kills me that i cant jump up and down and run to him and say guess what!! guess what!! guess what!! I GOT AN INTERVIEW WITH THE ****** COMMISSION!!! it makes me really sad that i cant do that anymore

but then again, if he had never left, i would have never even applied to any jobs so in a way, i owe that to him. im kinda forced to get a job, to move out and find an apt, to live my life again and make it a good one. if he never left, i would still be sitting in the closet with the lights turned off, crying. so i thank him for that. he said he had nothing left to give me anymore in the relationship.. well i guess this was the last thing he gave me, my life back. even if its a life without him, its going to be an amazing, positive, happy one because i will not let it go any other way. i deserve that life and so does he. i just wish we were able to work it out and live that life together. who knows, maybe itll happen in the future, maybe not, we might be totally different people then and my heart could be somewhere else. for now, my heart is with him and i dont see it anywhere else. itll stay with him for a long time im sure, and im going to fight for what my heart wants even if it means letting go, getting on with my life, making positive changes, and waiting for a long time for him to maybe come back.

"i just know that something good is gonna happen, i dont know when, but just sayin it could even make it happen." - kate bush

[beepee]

mishka:
great advice about the quite place to breathe. i will try and find a place before heading on in! ill practive tonight and tomorrow as well. im anxiety has calmed down a bit today but im sure its going to start back up again when the day comes but at least i would have practiced trying to calm it down.
thanks so much for the great advice!!

gardener: im gonna knock em dead!! i will do everything in my power to impress them in the first few minutes! im not sure if this guy will be nervous interviewing me tho, hes one of the top execs! but i cant look at him that way, i have to think of him as a normal guy id talk to ..on the train or something! or a homeless guy asking me questions about my qualifications!! either way, he is just another human being and i have to look at him without any fancy titles. I CAN DO THIS, I AM THE BEST PERSON FOR THE JOB!!

[beepee]

so i broke my rule of NC and emailed my H
BUT it was just a simple email with the urgent
message that was given to me to pass on to him.
i didnt say anything else. just gave him the info
and that was it. i dont think that was bad and i dont
really think that i broke my rule of NC!
im still continuing without no contact!
dont kill me please!!