What a weekend...

[AlexEN]

Wow - so much more. I don't know where you are at with your marriage. You're probably pretty angry at her and unable to rationally think about what you want. That was so difficult for me. My advice right now is to take her out of the equation for a moment and consider exactly what you want going forward. I remember FIB saying to me at one point that you reach a moment where you realize that DB doesn't apply. You have made all the changes you can for yourself and they have made no impact on your W. But you remember that DBing isn't to save your M - it's to make a better you. She will either notice or she won't. I remember being so caught up in her bizarre world. Everything she did - I saw, I tried to analyze, I wondered what it meant. You hear it a lot on this site - about just taking care of things that you can control. It is so true. I really believe a lot of the WAS behavior is to flex their independence at the LBS. Warranted or not, they truly believe they are being controlled and they rebel against that. As hard as it is to watch - you really have to become numb to it. If I could go back and do it again - I would have went dark much earlier than I did because of that behavior. I wish I would have been stronger and just packed up with the kids and left.

Mules,

This is all so true... I HAVE reached that point. I am NOT angry anymore; I'm more incredulous than anything.

I want to respond in more depth when I can spend more time on it, but I can tell you the exact moment when that "moment" finally happened.

I know I thought I was detached before (which means I wasn't detached) because I knew it was where I had to end up and wanted to be there, but as many have pointed out, it's a process and you truly feel it when it happens...

That being said, don't go anywhere, because I know I'm going to need some help/guidance with the "under one roof" thing as the lawyers start to wrangle... I know the claws are going to come out even further...

Thanks,

-AlexEN