If you see yourself dropping the rope when you tell her this decision, then I think it is the right move. If you are hoping it will change her mind about seeking out the mediation, then I don't think it will work.
No, I am not trying to change her mind. There seem to be different uses of "drop the rope" around here and I don't recall seeing the term in DR , but in my definition, I dropped it with Last Resorting and admitting that our marriage, partnership, companionship, and all its many intimacies is over in her heart and in my mind, and has been for quite a while. And I've posted before that when I keep the attitude/stance of "Gardener, face it: you have no marriage; you have no wife," I seem to DB and just function better overall in general.
And I must admit that in a way, my "won't resist but won't assist" position is twofold: 1)in my heart I cannot validate something (us Divorcing) that I feel is so very wrong by actively helping her set it in motion and accomplish it. 2)Pre-DB, I super nice-guyed and helped alleviate some of the consequences of her action by moving out: Giving her our bed, some furniture, our cat, and so many things ("sure, take it"). I got a truck, physically moved her out/in. Gave her $ecurity Deposit and 1$t Month's rent. Agreed to taking equity out of the house when she got to financial brink, etc.So now, I feel strongly that "If you want to be divorced, I understand (I don't, really)". And..."if you want to get divorced, then go do it."
If that makes any sense.
"It's so hard admittin' when it's quittin' time" - Mary Chapin Carpenter
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Do you think you are at that place you can truly drop the rope and move on without her?
In my mind, yes. My heart lags a bit. Along the lines of my heart still has a shrinking store of hope, but my mind has lost all optimism.
And limbo sucks. It's the limbo that keeps me mentally obsessing more often than I'd like, more than is healthy, for sure.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
You sound good. BTW, I like your style of writing. You have given me a smile or two (in spite of a frown now & then...lol)in your posts. I hope you won't lose your humor down through life. It's a gift.
Thank you! I appreciate that.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
