You will continue to feel out of control until you start taking action for yourself. Put your needs first, yes ahead of your H's and the kids. You can't do good for your kids if you are a heap on the floor.
Make a list, prioritise and get busy. Work is a verb (action word.) Love is a verb. Help is a verb.
The pressure will alleviate when you start getting busy. Now GO! I tell my players to "FLY!" when I want them to bust it.

AliveandKicking, FLY!

M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.