Dear optimist, things are not always what they seem, so unless you have proof that something else happened try to remain calm. I made that mistake at the time we started working on our relationship after his first affair. He never took of the number of the ow from his cell phone. He just didn't call anymore. Deleting it, would mean taking a look at the instructions manual and that's a male no-no so it stayed there. I was free to check his calls and messages and sometimes I did. One night he picked me up from work and we stopped for a coffee before going home. I was talking to him and his cousin and at the same time trying to call his aunt on his cell and I absent mindedly went trough the phone book to call. I did make a call but the person answering was not his aunt. I was still doing two things at the same time - talking with them and on the phone - so I didn't really pay much attention and just redialed and was able to finally talk to his aunt. Later on, on checking his calls, I found out the he had called the ow. At least her number was right there on dialed calls. I was so furious!!!!!! I'm usually very calm and think twice before opening my mouth, but on that day I just exploded - in my own calm way though LOL. But I told him it couldnt' work like that with him still calling her and this and that. He was sounding more and more puzzled and ended up telling me he hadn't call her but he knew I wouldn't believe him anyway. After that he just retreated back to his defensive self and the evening turned sour. Well , guess what? I was the person who had called her. WHile I was trying to call his aunt, I had pressed the wrong key and ended up calling her.Not him. THe time matched perfectly and there was no other explanation. I felt so bad. Tried to explain to him what happened but it wasn't until we got home hours later that he let his defenses down again. What I'm saying is, sometimes there are legitimate reasons or different explanations for things that ring our alarm bells and we need to try and stay calm until we have all the facts.
AS for your goals they seem very reasonable. I really think it's a good idea that he keeps you involved at work. That was one of the problems with us as well. In his other jobs, people knew me. I used to pick him up, I was invited to lunches or dinners .. I was a real person for them. THere was never a problem then. However with both jobs where the affairs happened the situation was completely different. I was not a real person, not really, they didn't know me, whatever they knew about me would have to be trough his comments, they had never seen me. I found that did not create the problem in the first place, but added to it. With his first affair, once it was over I went to a wedding of a friend of his and coworker as well. I was hesitant because I knew that she might be going as well, but he did ask me to go, and I thought it wasn't the time to back off. It was the best thing I ever did. People were really nice to me and there were comments to him on why would he be going out with her when he had me at home. Some of his friends didn't feel like pretending they didn't know what had happened and some of the older ones even lectured him. All this because finally I was real. No the person that is at home and they never seen or talk to, but a real person that they met and talked to.
Time together is very important as well. We had a tendency to forget that 5 years ago. WE did make it a priority after the affair. And we tried to be able to go away for a weekend every once in a while, just the two of us.
so it stayed there. I was free to check his calls and messages and sometimes I did. One night he picked me up from work and we stopped for a coffee before going home. I was talking to him and his cousin and at the same time trying to call his aunt on his cell and I absent mindedly went trough the phone book to call. I did make a call but the person answering was not his aunt. I was still doing two things at the same time - talking with them and on the phone - so I didn't really pay much attention and just redialed and was able to finally talk to his aunt. Later on, on checking his calls, I found out the he had called the ow. At least her number was right there on dialed calls. I was so furious!!!!!! I'm usually very calm and think twice before opening my mouth, but on that day I just exploded - in my own calm way though LOL. But I told him it couldnt' work like that with him still calling her and this and that. He was sounding more and more puzzled and ended up telling me he hadn't call her but he knew I wouldn't believe him anyway. After that he just retreated back to his defensive self and the evening turned sour. Well , guess what? I was the person who had called her. WHile I was trying to call his aunt, I had pressed the wrong key and ended up calling her.Not him. THe time matched perfectly and there was no other explanation. I felt so bad. Tried to explain to him what happened but it wasn't until we got home hours later that he let his defenses down again. 
