I'm not sure. It almost sounds to me that she may be angy that the OM isn't having to go through the pain that she is. She may actually be mad at him.
Either way, I don't think it is the critical issue, by far. But I've been wrong before!
I honestly think she is way too concerned about the OM. I really think lowneil needs to take a tough stance on the no contact. The fact that she is "mourning" means she is not over him and still has feelings. I heard those exact words. The way lowneil deals with this will be critical too whether she strays back there. Personally I am uncomfortable with her going to lunch in his town by herself no matter how "sick to her stomach" she feels.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
It also means that she missed an opportunity to break up his marriage and win him for herself. If OM's W knew, maybe she would divorce him. So the set up didn't end up right.
I'm not sure. It almost sounds to me that she may be angy that the OM isn't having to go through the pain that she is. She may actually be mad at him.
I didn't say she wasn't (hence the "good or bad" reference).
As it was explained to me, even NEGATIVE contact is "contact," and pushes the withdrawal "clock" back towards 0:00. Sort of like the old adage about public relations: "All p-r is GOOD p-r."
I'm not sure. It almost sounds to me that she may be angy that the OM isn't having to go through the pain that she is. She may actually be mad at him.
Either way, I don't think it is the critical issue, by far. But I've been wrong before!
I honestly think she is way too concerned about the OM. I really think lowneil needs to take a tough stance on the no contact. The fact that she is "mourning" means she is not over him and still has feelings. I heard those exact words. The way lowneil deals with this will be critical too whether she strays back there. Personally I am uncomfortable with her going to lunch in his town by herself no matter how "sick to her stomach" she feels.
I am not so sure she will not contact and expose him to his wife, she is thinking about it, I would guess. In her mind she may be thinking, if she knew, she would leave him, and then he would come to me, and we would live happily ever after. Watch out.
As far as what to do now, I agree with all of the boundries that have been offered, but I just do not understand her uncontrollable behavior when she is the one voluntarilly leaving the family bed. It is her choice, I would make her fully aware that she is more than welcomed in "our" bed.
I am not so sure she will not contact and expose him to his wife, she is thinking about it, I would guess. In her mind she may be thinking, if she knew, she would leave him, and then he would come to me, and we would live happily ever after. Watch out.
I agree with Burt. I don't think it's a good sign. Something is brewing in her mind.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
So, I get home today and she continues about "kicking her out of her bed" and not comforting her when she was crying last night.
She continued to talk about D. Telling me I would screw her by producing evidence of her affair, yada, yada.
She then asked me how to switch over the cell phone bill to her name and said, "You treat me like a whore and you'll see what happens."
I'm noticing a pattern that she takes no responsiblity for anything - I take all responsibility and then when things don't go the way she wants she can place all the blame on me.
Blame me for the fact that she's unhappy, blame me for the fact that she didn't finish her education, etc.
She told me she was working the day we have our next MC session and asked if we could change the time...I said why don't you call and reschedule it, I'll work around the time....she didn't much like that either.
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
- "Sorry master is their anything else you need" - "I hope the second half of my life is better than the s*** I had to put up with the first half - Yelling at the kids
I told her and the kids earlier why don't we go out to eat, now I don't want to sit through dinner with this going on.
Me 38 / W 37 M 14 yrs S 11/S8 First Bomb: 3/6/2009 EA Second Bomb: 6/4/2009 PA Same House Separate Rooms
