H wants a D so we can date...each other! WTF??!

[Trixi]

Had talk w/H about this ski-boat thing and my concerns/fears. It went pretty well, I think. We'll see what happens on that front.

Hadn't been on FB for awhile and someone had dropped me a line so I logged in. I have taken H out of my newsfeed, but I still see when he is tagged in photos, etc. (Not sure how to turn that off.)
Anyway, I saw that he was recently tagged in photos of a beer-float rafting trip and also company party. Neither of which I knew about. In the past he had invited me (and I declined), but since I got thyroid corrected, I have asked to be invited and he has not. I did comment this past weekend on how tan he was and asked what he'd been doing to be so tan and he never answered. Now I know why.

A comment he made in counseling this last time (which now makes a lot more sense) is that he says he wishes he could take me places and say "This is Trixi and I love her. We're together", but because he's not sure where we will end up, he can't do that. At the time, I didn't realize he was talking about specific recent events. "He wishes"...like it's not in his control.

I feel like he must be ashamed of me. I mean seriously. If he was dating someone, would he leave them behind because he wasn't sure they would get married? Puh'leese. Is that what people do? Leave behind their BF/GF because they don't know what will happen in the future? I am afraid to bring it up in counseling lest it be called "pressure".

Admittedly, I have not always been my best self in the past at his company functions. He would leave me for long stretches of time to go talk with people/smoke. I would end up feeling abandoned and alone and my displeasure would show. OTOH, I would observe other couples and they would pretty much stick together, so I don't know that I was being 'unreasonable'.

Sucks to be left out. I feel like the last kid to be picked for a team.