W keeps bringing up R and D Sandi NEED INSIGHT!!

[sandi2]

Also in MC, W made mention of how much attention I was paying towards my D's, it seemed to aggravate her.

I don't get it. Why would a daddy paying attention to his D's aggravate her? That sounds like jealousy. If that's the case and she's jealous of her children.....she has problems. Maybe it was her way of saying she wished you would give up part of that attention.

The fragile thing at this stage is to know where to draw the line in giving her the attention she wants and purusing. Purusing is chasing after her like you probably did when you first started dating her.

Sandi some of these things just go completely against what seems to be the standard in DBing. Wouldn't some of these actions be considered pursuing????

I would not invite her to the movies or places that hint of an a cozy, dark, or intimate environment before you have a better R with her. Going on "dates" at this point--is puruing. Inviting her along on "family" outings is not so bad b/c it is not just the "two of you".

If you want to schedule a MC for yourself, that's fine but I would not try to get her to go b/c that is putting pressure on her. This is not seen as "fighting for the M" to a WAW.

You see, the problem is that she feels that most of these things are "too little, too late".

If she doesn't agree, explain to her that I am going this first session because I understand that one person can help save a marriage?

No. Don't tell her things like that. Don't talk about the R to her. It's pursuing and it's pressure.

Take a stand against our credit card bill and take action against it.

Yes, that is taking action as the head of the family! She will see power and strength in that move! That is what she wants. Now, she may not like it at first--if it means she has to discontinue her spending habits, but she'll respect you for it. She has been in charge of running the family all these years, and she may not give up that "power" so gracefully. But, I think it has a lot to do with not trusting you with the money. You can't expect her to think otherwise if you've never earned her right to trust you. Give her time to get use to the idea. But, yes....this is more the areas I was referring to.

You can be fun and friendly and be a man any woman would love to spend time around without pursuing or putting pressue on her. That is what you need to focus on. What can you do to show more strength as a man? What can you do to show more "energy" in the M? How can you appear to be more decisive and determined about matters? When tempted to lay back and not give your "voice" on issues......what can you do to show your opinion should matter?

Those are the type things I think she would want to see "first" before you start trying to drag her off to a MC or the movies.

Later,
Sandi