Hey?!? Who Locked Up My Mojo?

[Greek]

You regained trust in your husband because he made changes that addressed the issues you had problems with.

Correct.

Were they small changes/big changes?

Yes. Haha! There were small things I witnessed which indicated big internal changes for him. It wasn't easy to trust what I was seeing at first b/c many of these small changes can be EASILY faked (guys seem to like "Play Books" ), so I looked for consistency...that's when I dared myself to trust him. Things like eye contact when we were talking to each other. Not yelling at me or getting tone when he didn't understand me the first time I said something - but asking me to say it another way so he could understand. Not interrupting me. Getting his full attention in a conversation.

These are sort of physical manifestations of internal changes for him. These things communicated important things to me: You matter. I want to understand and see you better. You are worth listening to. You have valuable contributions and input that I don't want to miss.

Was it about helping more around the house (maybe i'm blind but I don't ever this as being a dealbreaker)

YES, it was about helping around the house. Here's why. I had been home from day one with our children. I started a career very late - and by choice. No issue there. But when I did begin to work outside of our home, I expected the same household support from him that I voluntarily gave to him - b/c my career aspirations and efforts are AS important as his have always been.

was it about him listening more and talking less (communication issue),

Listening and the exchange of ideas. I LONGED for that engagement - to know that my thoughts and ideas are valuable to him. No self esteem problems here - I know what I have to offer the world. Problem was, my beloved wasn't taking notice of it. DANGEROUS!

was it about emotional support and if so specifically what kind of emotional support

,

I never really knew if he had my back - make sense? He did and I know it now but that's b/c now...he tells me. Recently he told me "You're family." I had such an emotional reaction to that b/c in our lives together BUILDING our family, he'd never communicated to me that I, too, COUNT as family.

was it an attraction issue: he let himself go and you felt like you were settling?

Nope. He's hot. But without all of those other MILLION DOLLAR CONNECTION ITEMS listed above, the physical attraction matters not a bit.

Yes I'm nosey but you are giving us gold here, it's very good stuff.

Thank you for the opportunity. Good therapy for me to revisit it. And if it helps anyone, that's even better.

I'm nothing if not FAIR. WE made our marriage what it was at the moment I left the house. Coming home meant facing changes I needed to make, too.

Cheers~~~