Just read your thread, and our sitch's are very similar. First off, you have some of the best who have already chimed in (Coach, Sandi and Puppy).
I would recommend you read a book that helped me understand communication and how to "show" my W love - The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. That was a real eye opener for me b/c my W and I have had communication issues. It helped me understand how my W was trying to show me love (which I did not get) and how I was incorrectly trying to show her love (which I also didn't get). Basically, b/c she and I "spoke" different "love languages," we couldn't show love to the other b/c we were trying to show it in our different respective love languages. I know, it sounds like a lot of self help esque language, but it really makes sense.
A couple of things about your sitch that are different from mine that I think are good signs. One, your W is seeing a C and has agreed to MC. Two, your W told you she missed praying with you - in response to your question, I think telling her you were going to pray and she could join you if she wanted is the way to put it. I do not see that as pursuit. Just make sure she knows you are going to pray whether or not she joins you - not by saying that, but by doing it if she says she does not want to.
Coach told me one time about how to act around my W - he said by DB'ing, we are trying to get a frightened animal to eat from our hand. That made a lot of sense to me.
And, yes, there is a fine line b/w being nice and pursuing behavior. This is just something you have to feel. I have not point blank asked my W to do anything since the bomb. Instead, I plan for things to do with the kids, and I let her know we will be doing these - if she wants to come along, she is welcome to. After a while, all you will have to do is tell her what you are doing. Again, she just needs to have the impression (from your consistent actions) that if she says she does not want to join in that it is no big deal, and you do them anyway.
While none of this is easy - no one said it would be - I have found that if you can work on detaching and focus on yourself, the effort and the "fight" so to speak, do become easier. Have you read this article:
It is important for you not to confuse detaching with withdrawing. Detaching is not giving your W the cold shoulder. Treat her as a close friend and then see what happens. Oh, and don't try to read and analyze every little thing she does - you WILL go nuts. That's where the detachment helps (and in many other areas).
