No, don't switch courses so fast...it just looks wishy washy. You can act "friendly" if you want though.
I wouldn't worry about what she wrote to her friend. She's not seeing you as anything but the enemy at the moment. My wife used to write stuff like that too. It happens. That's how your wife feels at the moment, if she takes an interest in you, it can change.
BTW, I think you need to do some things different if you really want primary custody. You can't be living at your sisters and only seeing the kids 24 hours a week. If she's the one watching the kids the rest of the time, you are really setting a precedence, plus, the court will want to know you can provide for the kids. You can't ask for child support when you aren't the one with the kids. There is also joint legal custody and joint physical custody. In the first, it's just semantics and doesn't amount to squat. In the second, you are sharing the kids 50/50 and generally the income of both is taken in to account and perhaps some awarded to the spouse with the lesser income. You can't get child support if you are just the spouse with visitation...that would just be alimony. So, could you clarify for me what you are shooting for? If you want to be the primary caregiver, you need to be establishing a home and having the kids the majority of the time.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Ok, I probably need to say something about this affair/ EA thing. When my wife dropped the bomb on me I begged, cried, bla bla, we all did. BUT, I began to do things around the house, yardwork, and being more emotionaly available for my kids. About 4 days into the bomb my wife came home from work and saw me cutting the grass. This sparked some kind of doubt in her and she postponed her L appointment. I later found out from a friend that she went out that day to meet with a "friend" from work to tell him that she could not eat luch with him on fridays anymore. Wouldnt you know, a week goes by and my wife tells me that she has not changed her mind about divorce. This was on a friday, so she could not even go one week without having lunch with this guy! I begged and cried again and was really down until I found the DR book. I found a note in her hand writing that said,
Violin is acting like he "gets it" maybe I should take 2 months to work on it with him before I see you. I look up to you too much to do that to you. I compare Violin to you. Bla bla, does this sound like someone who is just a friend??
The I find out from reading her email that she went to see a movie with him a few days after my birthday. I should add that this guy is married with 2 kids also. I just saw him 2 weeks ago and he was still wearing a wedding ring.
One of my main problems is I have no real proof that he is anything but a friend in her eyes. She and he work for a large pharmasutical company and the pagers and emails are not available to me. The only thing that I have is my memory of that one handwritten note.
Should I expose what I know? She will know that I was snooping at her email then.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
My wife makes 4 time more money than I do. I cannot try to be the primary caregiver. I got an apartment that I will moving into on the 24th. It is 2 bedrooms. My lawyer says she sees no reason I should not get 50/50 physical joint custody. Before the bomb dropped I was getting the kids up,giving them breakfast, taking to school and picking them up afterwards. My wife took all of that away from me since april. When my 22 month old was 6 weeks old I told my wife that I would take care of her instead of putting her in daycare so that we could save 800$ a month. I raised her at home for 6 months and also tried to work as much as I could when she napped. When she got older we put her in daycare so that I could work more. I taught her how to crawl, how to walk, and how to make the sign for "eat". I just know that she is going to make me look like a terrible dad in court.
Last edited by v1olin; 07/14/0902:39 PM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Oh, and I dont see them only 24 hours a week. I pick them up from camp and daycare every day now. I take them to the park or home and spend about 2 hours with them until my wife gets home. She gets home and I do the Hi and Bye thing. It is hard to do when my wife seems to not want me around but Iam doing it for my kids not her. I see them all the time except for her weekends. I put about 3000 miles a month on my car in order to make that schedule reality. My apartment is much closer now so the driving should be less.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Just got off the phone with my lawyer. I have come along way in detaching from my wife but I still cant help but feel guilty about taking money from her. I told my lawyer that I was so heartbroken by this divorce that I didnt want to have to live with ANY of our furniture in my apartment. So my lawyer said that she would just ask for money from my wife to pay for it then. I dont intend on living off my wife for long. Work is going well and I should be able to provide for me and my kids within a year.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
but I still cant help but feel guilty about taking money from her.
Why do you feel guilty? Who is fighting for your marriage? Who wants to break it up? If the shoe was on the other foot do you think your wife would feel guilty about the law giving her the money she is deserving? It's just a fact of the child support calculator. Your wife knows approx how much she will need to pay.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I feel guilty because not making enough money was one of her reasons for not wanting to be married anymore. She said that she didnt feel taken care of. Now, I look like a total loser taking money from her and I dont see how that is going to make her respect me. Any ideas Coach?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Wife just called to tell me that she is taking my daughters to her brothers house for dinner tonight. I think the real coldness from her is about to come on strong. I know that comment I made about me being the babysitter is driving the attitude she just gave me over the phone.
Last edited by v1olin; 07/14/0904:42 PM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Thanks for the clarification. A) If you are going to be providing 50% of the care (or more) then there is no reason to feel guilty about taking her money. It's not as though you are going to be using it for yourself...it's for the kids. It's not about your wife and isn't punitive...it's solely about the kids. Keep that firmly in mind. They need their dad and they need to be provided for financially. If things change down the line, you can always change the financial arrangement, but for now do what's right and get child support.
It sounds like you set the precedence of caring for the kids. I wish you weren't at your sister's and instead had stayed at the house til all this was worked out, but that's water under the bridge. Once you get your own place and get this legal stuff rolling, you'll be able to show that you are entitled to the time.
V1olin, I'm going to be brutally honest. The odds of saving your marriage by any technique is not that great. You have to worry about protecting yourself and your kids and worry about this "lack of respect" after. She might respect you more for making this stand.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
