you are always welcome. I am just a vessel(and a makeshift shoddy one at that) for Him. He is to be thanked.
The fact that we can share our faith walk and how we realate to Christ on here and in this great nation is a real blessing many would and are fighting and dying over.
His faithful love endures forever and His Kingdom shall have no end!
BJ, you gave me a nice concise update on your sitch. I know the pain of the cheating. It's really awful. Maybe your h has too much access? Must be frustrating. I can understand your need to pack him up. It actually feels good, esp. when you have so little control of anything else about him. Nice to take charge of that. I think it's a very cleansing process. Perhaps it may be a slap of the reality of the situation for your H as well. Take care
So mad and sad at the same time...sorry for long post...
Dan texted yesterday at 4 to see if Nathan had karate (he was flying back from Canada). Following the advice to use fewer words than they do, I just replied "no". Actually I had started typing out an explanation as usual, then erased it and just sent, "no".
So he didn't reply and I thought that was it, went on with my day. We are sitting down to supper at 7 and he calls. "I just landed, do you want me to bring something home to eat?"
Are you serious? I guess he thought we didn't eat the whole time he was gone, we can't eat if he doesn't bring something?? I told him the kids were already sitting down to eat. He said oh, ok. Then he showed up at 8 and we were out riding bikes. I came inside and left him with the kids while I organized and sorted another box from the storage unit.
It was just marked "office/books". So little did I know...it contained a giant box of all the cards and letters I had written Dan from when we were dating in high school, through when we were married and I was expecting our first child. However there were some cards from Dan to me mixed in, so to separate them I had to go through the entire box. Of course I didn't have to read them, but I did read some. There was even the card I gave him on our wedding day with a long handwritten message, and the card he gave me on our wedding day with a long letter from him about how he knew God chose me for him, he knew he messed up a lot (wow, so I guess it is a pattern ), but would work to be a great husband for me, etc.
And there was our wedding photo album, plus the devotional Bible Dan's uncle (he is a pastor) had given us with our names and wedding date embossed on the cover.
And then a few random books, Dan's college planner, etc. For our first dating anniversary, he had made me a cassette tape of songs that told our story. For example, the first song was "(kiss him) Goodbye", referencing the fact that he decided he wanted to ask me out a month before I broke up with my boyfried. Anyway it went through about a dozen songs including "Kiss the Girl" from Little Mermaid for our first kiss, Billy Joel's "She's got a way about her", and a lot more. Inside the planner there was a page where he had written out all of the songs then crossed them out and rewrote them in the order he recorded them. I don't know why it was just sweet and sad to see the thought he once put into making things for me...
So long story, but I was not in a real chipper place at that point. But I took all my cards from him out of the box and left all the ones from me to him. Then I put the Bible on top of that. I started to put the wedding day cards in his pile, but I saved them out instead. Because who knows where he will stick that stuff and I decided that someday when my kids are older I want them to see those cards and understand that their mom and dad truly did love each other...
Dan came upstairs with the kids at ten (I let them stay up b/c they only had 2 hours with him and he leaves again in 2 days). He put them to bed and came downstairs to get his boots. I was picking up the play room. He came in and said he applauded me for keeping it so neat when it had been messy (gee thanks). I said something about going biking w/the kids and that my cousins husband had my bike and was replacing the tires for me so I could ride. He acted a little shocked and said if I had just told him he would have fixed my bike for me....Cause THAT is what I want him around for...
Anyway I went backupstairs to get his box of stuff. I was telling him that I had taken all my stuff out of the storage unit and in mid-sentence saw Nathan was lying face down on the couch. I said "Dan Nathan is up here." (Dan was on the stairs)
Dan started to laugh he thought Nate was just avoiding bedtime but Nathan looked up and he was bawling! Dan asked why and he said, "I want my mommy and daddy! Every time you leave my bedroom I cry because I want you and I can't sleep b/c I want my mommy and daddy."
So Dan and I walked him back to bed. Then dan stayed in there for a bit and came out. I was so mad! He came out looking guilty. He said he would stop traveling so much since nathan missed him. I just said, "He does miss you but you heard what he said, you can visit every night but he cries because you leave again." He got defensive/mad and took his box of cards and the bible. He said, you can write all the cards in the world but I wanted support from you and instead I got nagging and questioning all my decisions" and he left.
Grr! Then a few minutes later I was downstairs again and Nathan came and found me, still crying. He wanted to sleep with me. I asked what I could do to help, he said he wanted to sleep with mommy AND daddy. Sigh.........
Thanks. I am going to try not to talk to him unless he initiated some kind of talk related to the children. He is only back for 2 days anyway...
Tonight is 'his' night, he is coming to meet us at the kids' swim lessons. I would leave when he gets there but it is the last night and they get their awards. But as soon as it is over I am out of there and he gets to keep them the rest of the evening and put them to bed. I don't want another bed time like last night....
every time I read about your kids I get a lump in my throat....quite honestly i am confused with the amount of time you and dan spend as a family (disney, back from a busines trip and wants to bring over supper). I am not at all surprised that the kids are as well. I am no expert but the sooner they know that their parents live in different houses for the foreseable future, the better off they will be in my opinion...especially if they see a happy mom. BBJ, I know you are doing the best you can but you need to distance yourself from Dan...if not for you for the kids.....does that make sense?
Oh sweetie...my heart is breaking for your poor little Nathan and you. He is obviously very confused and hurt by Dan's actions. Dan got angry and directed it at you because he can't face the reality that he has caused all of this pain for his son on his own. It really has nothing to do with you, you know.
Make sure that Nathan never stifles his feelings. That is a dangerous thing for him. Even if Dan tries to start putting off Nathan's words, make sure that Nathan gets them out.
I'm so sorry, I have no words of wisdom for you, only the love and support I can send through this cyber world we live in.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
BobbiJo - It is so very realistic to be mad. When you see your childrens dreams being shattered, it is only natural to be mad at the reason. I am sorry that you keep having to go through these cycles.
Hey sweets, when does he get his house ready? I know how it feels to see your kids in pain and I am sorry. Push him to step up as a father, devote time and energy to them, dont follow Nathan's or S.Yds lines "mommy and daddy etc etc". He hears them, dont doubt that, you dont have to clarify, repeat or anything. You are still there for him lil sis, and as long as he knows that, he isnt gonna change his tune.
John, I am working on the separation of things. That is why I have taken the initiative to get all my stuff out of the storage unit we got when I moved here. That is also why I have been packing up anything/everything he left here and putting it into the storage unit, getting it out of the house. I don't want there to be any of 'him' left here, because he doesn't live here. It makes it easier for me.
And we haven't spent any time together until last night, because he has been gone to Canada. He leaves for Chicago on Thursday for another trip. Last night was not his night on the calendar, but he showed up and the kids were so excited because they miss him. So I tried to stay out of the way and let him have his time with them. I intend to tell him that I want him to start spending his time with the kids outside of the house, I just had no opportunity to do that yesterday, since he was with the kids and Nathan kept coming out of his bedroom.
That will suck too because all of Nathan's toys/games are here, so I don't know what they will do. Guess he could load their bikes in his trunk and take them to the park. But then he would drop them off and never put them to bed? His son is crying for him! I don't know how all of this is going to work since he sleeps at his parents and has no home base. I realize that is all his doing and I am great with him feeling the consequences but it sucks for the kids. I don't know what the happy medium is between him being here when I am and me telling him to spend all his time with them out of the home without me...maybe there isn't one.
I think Dan and I need to meet with someone asap (like Nathan's counselor) to get the best approach for just telling them we are not ever going to be together again and things are going to be different in terms of spending time together...
Forgot to mention when Nathan came to my room crying for his dad I had him call Dan. B/C one thing Dan said the other night when this was going on and he was in Canada was, "Why don't you ever let them call me when they are like that? If they want me, have them call me". So, I did.
Nathan got off the phone and said his dad said they could do whatever he wanted after swim lessons tonight (that'll fix things!?!)...I said, fun! What will you choose? He said, "I want mommy AND daddy..." Good luck with that one, Dan
), but would work to be a great husband for me, etc.