So mad and sad at the same time...sorry for long post...
Dan texted yesterday at 4 to see if Nathan had karate (he was flying back from Canada). Following the advice to use fewer words than they do, I just replied "no". Actually I had started typing out an explanation as usual, then erased it and just sent, "no".
So he didn't reply and I thought that was it, went on with my day. We are sitting down to supper at 7 and he calls. "I just landed, do you want me to bring something home to eat?"
Are you serious? I guess he thought we didn't eat the whole time he was gone, we can't eat if he doesn't bring something?? I told him the kids were already sitting down to eat. He said oh, ok. Then he showed up at 8 and we were out riding bikes. I came inside and left him with the kids while I organized and sorted another box from the storage unit.
It was just marked "office/books". So little did I know...it contained a giant box of all the cards and letters I had written Dan from when we were dating in high school, through when we were married and I was expecting our first child. However there were some cards from Dan to me mixed in, so to separate them I had to go through the entire box. Of course I didn't have to read them, but I did read some. There was even the card I gave him on our wedding day with a long handwritten message, and the card he gave me on our wedding day with a long letter from him about how he knew God chose me for him, he knew he messed up a lot (wow, so I guess it is a pattern ), but would work to be a great husband for me, etc.
And there was our wedding photo album, plus the devotional Bible Dan's uncle (he is a pastor) had given us with our names and wedding date embossed on the cover.
And then a few random books, Dan's college planner, etc. For our first dating anniversary, he had made me a cassette tape of songs that told our story. For example, the first song was "(kiss him) Goodbye", referencing the fact that he decided he wanted to ask me out a month before I broke up with my boyfried. Anyway it went through about a dozen songs including "Kiss the Girl" from Little Mermaid for our first kiss, Billy Joel's "She's got a way about her", and a lot more. Inside the planner there was a page where he had written out all of the songs then crossed them out and rewrote them in the order he recorded them. I don't know why it was just sweet and sad to see the thought he once put into making things for me...
So long story, but I was not in a real chipper place at that point. But I took all my cards from him out of the box and left all the ones from me to him. Then I put the Bible on top of that. I started to put the wedding day cards in his pile, but I saved them out instead. Because who knows where he will stick that stuff and I decided that someday when my kids are older I want them to see those cards and understand that their mom and dad truly did love each other...
Dan came upstairs with the kids at ten (I let them stay up b/c they only had 2 hours with him and he leaves again in 2 days). He put them to bed and came downstairs to get his boots. I was picking up the play room. He came in and said he applauded me for keeping it so neat when it had been messy (gee thanks). I said something about going biking w/the kids and that my cousins husband had my bike and was replacing the tires for me so I could ride. He acted a little shocked and said if I had just told him he would have fixed my bike for me....Cause THAT is what I want him around for...
Anyway I went backupstairs to get his box of stuff. I was telling him that I had taken all my stuff out of the storage unit and in mid-sentence saw Nathan was lying face down on the couch. I said "Dan Nathan is up here." (Dan was on the stairs)
Dan started to laugh he thought Nate was just avoiding bedtime but Nathan looked up and he was bawling! Dan asked why and he said, "I want my mommy and daddy! Every time you leave my bedroom I cry because I want you and I can't sleep b/c I want my mommy and daddy."
So Dan and I walked him back to bed. Then dan stayed in there for a bit and came out. I was so mad! He came out looking guilty. He said he would stop traveling so much since nathan missed him. I just said, "He does miss you but you heard what he said, you can visit every night but he cries because you leave again." He got defensive/mad and took his box of cards and the bible. He said, you can write all the cards in the world but I wanted support from you and instead I got nagging and questioning all my decisions" and he left.
Grr! Then a few minutes later I was downstairs again and Nathan came and found me, still crying. He wanted to sleep with me. I asked what I could do to help, he said he wanted to sleep with mommy AND daddy. Sigh.........
), but would work to be a great husband for me, etc.
