Thanks. I have to fine tune my DBing skills. Regardless of that incident, we have been getting along fine the last few days. For a while, I didn't want to go home after work because being around her was so painful. I still miss the physical contact and the ILY's, but it isn't painful being around her now. We are talking and laughing when we are together. I guess it is just like starting a new R with somebody. We are getting comfortable with each other (again) and will see where it leads from there.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
The folks from Retrouvaille left a message on my phone. The man said to call him back with any questions or to begin registration. He said we each have to talk to them over the phone first. We'll see how serious she is when it is her turn to talk to them. Ithink things are going in the right direction, but the pessimist in me is concerned about her commitment.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
she'll do fine. they will ask if there is a third party in the relationship, and htey are looking for the answer "no". And they will ask if she will come with an open mind and a willing heart, and the answer to that is "yes". Then they will ask if you have any questions.
For me, when I found myself laughing at his jokes again, I knew we were getting better. When we were bad, I couldn't stand his jokes.
Thanks, Sara. I called the registration number and am waiting for a call back. I am nervous and excited at the same time. My dad is in the hospital right now for cardiac catheterization. It is hard to concentrate on anything. Once they get in his arteries they will make a determination whether to put in a stint, or bypass surgery. W has texted me a couple of times to see if I heard anything yet.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Wow, reading this thread reminded me of a lot of things when I did my weekend. As you may have read in another thread I posted Orich, it helped alot. W was pretty much convinced we would never have what we had at that time. She told me she never felt she could be in love with someone else, but it happened. For a while, she despaired over giving that up and openly asked if we would ever feel like that about each other again.
To quote a particularly devastating thing she said when she was giving up: "it's ok. I really love you as in caring for you. Ok if we never get back in love again. It's not like I can't stand your face. I can be not too unhappy if we stayed together" (for the kids she meant). As I posted, the weekend was not a complete overnight miracle making our problems disappear, but it created some critical turning points. The best one was the chaste goodnight kiss after an exhausting day 2, and it actually turned passionate, and she told me she really felt "me" back then.
Sara - haha, sex? you serious? We just felt it was SO inappropriate, although it could have happened that night. We did join our beds together from the first night.
And talking of jokes, when W was all tensed up and nagging to leave when we got there and went to our room to drop off our bags ... I said with a straight face "Umm Look on the bright side. We could go down and see OM is here with his W too". W would not help but crack up and go "oh, GOD!". And we started giggling like kids too. Later she told me how much it meant that I could mention OM without going nuts or angry, and even joke about it.
I'll remember you in my prayers too Orich. Wishing you all the best.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
Thanks Deep, It is encouraging to hear positive stories about the weekend. I am nervous about the weekend but have hope now that I didn't have before.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
For some reason I feel discouraged today. Yesterday wasn't a bad day or anything. She had our 5 year old at her job, and I went to pick him up on the way home. I spent a little time at her office talking to her co-workers. S decided he wanted to stay with W until she got off, so I left to pick up S3. W and S5 came home, and I grilled dinner. We all ate outside and W and I had pleasant conversation. After dinner she wanted to give the boys a bath. Now, we have a plumbing problem in the bathtub. The faucet only trickles when the water is on. She had told me her friend knew a plumber, and that he was going to contact us. This was a week ago. Last night she asked if I was ever going to call a plumber. I said I thought her friend was going to have someone contact us. She said that obviously isn't going to happen. So, I said I would call one tomorrow. Her tone was slightly accusatory, unless I was reading her wrong. either way, is that why I feel the way I do today? Is every little perceived problem going to affect my mood? Well, no. Not anymore. I am not letting those things occupy my mind. I am still focusing on me, and keep in the back of my mind that she does want to try the weekend thing. I guess I'm kinda journaling here which does actually help.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I just got off the phone with the Retrouvaille facilitator. It felt very good talking to him, he gave me some encouragement. I am about to call W to tell her to call the facilitator for her part of the registration. I am a bit nervous. I know she said she is willing to do the weekend, I just hope she still is willing and her commitment is high. We'll see how that goes. I said a quick prayer to St. Joseph (he is the patron saint of Retrouvaille) so hopefully all will be well.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
You mood is totally influenced by worry about your father, That is normal.
In the plumbing discussion, you should completely overlook the "tone" in her voice. She could just be aggravated about the pipe, or the friend's plumber, or a 1,000 things at work. Reading that tone and taking offense is part of mind-reading. Let it go. If she's mad at you, let her say it, otherwise don't assume it's about you. I've learned to overlook a lot of little things that might have made me angry before Retro. It is better to sidestep arguments than to have them. Never look for the bad, only look for the good.
Don't be surprised if it takes Retro a long time to call back. They are all volunteers, and they have their own schedules for working the work into their lives. They will call you. And also you needn't worry too much about that "open mind, willing heart" question, it goes by surprisingly easily. You're doing great. Keep those prayers going.
