i have stopped talking about the M. I did find out that i still do things that anger her. at least there is still some emotion. It wasn't necessarily the smoking per se, it was the lies to cover up or deny it. (adhd self-esteem issue). That is the only thing I have ever really lied to her about. I think we all tell little white lies. she is going on 37 in 12 days, i am 38. due to her illness (Lupus), she looks nothing like she did when we got married 13 years ago. The meds she has been on have not been kind. i still think she is beautiful and offers so many positive qualities in spite of the way she is acting now!! other people probably will not find her as attractive as I do, or perhaps not at all. Her Lupus has not been kind to her as it has caused some brain damage to the extent that she has short term memory loss. She is on permanent disability now. I have to let her be free, and that is the most difficult thing since we do interact quite a bit with our two kids (G9, B6) and their activities. She gives signs that are positive and all, but she also gives signs that will be confusing. So, i wrote a note to my self, put it on each day of my planner and stuck one in my wallet reminding me to live my life, love my kids, leave her alone, believe, relax, and have patience, and love myself. my journey has begun with one small step.
