Mainly because I feel that I did not really do anything wrong (I am aware of the things that I did do) , but I am still blamed by WAW for causing things that I did not cause
In "her eyes" right now, she feels that you did cause some problems. The first time my H and I tried to talk after the bomb hit, he made the statement he had never done anything wrong. I think he was really talking about being unfaithful, but at the time, I took it the wrong way and man did it hit me wrong. I closed up my heart even more and I stopped any talks with him b/c of that statement. All I wanted to hear from him was that he accepted his part of the breakdown in the M. He came across as being "Mr. Clean" and I was the scrum woman. I saw him as being self-righteous and it turned me off and make me furious. Of course, my heart was not in the right place.
I only tell you this so you can keep it in the back of your mind if you and W have a similar conversation. No, you have not been unfaithful and you've been home taking care of the kids while she's out with OM. That is horrible for a W/mother to do! But be careful, for the sake of the M....not to appear to her that you are Mr. Self-righteous. Know what I mean? She is very guilty and very defensive, so she will fire back at you if you aren't careful about your choice of words.
Later, Sandi
P.S. Yes, you can gauge her up & down emotions based on what's happening with her and OM.
Sandi I'm reading your post and I'm trying to get some accurate info from you because I think some of what you are saying hits close to home. You didn't want your husband to hold you accountable for your actions because you felt guilty & defensive enough as it is - correct? He probably started living a perfect life, being a perfect husband & father and this standard that he was setting & living bothered you I guess - correct me if I'm wrong. So if him acting self-righteous bothered you, which behavior or behaviors on his part got you to lower your defenses and want to work on the marriage again? I'm assuming when he stopped acting self-righteous that helped a bit but am I overthinking this that he did more to get you to reconsider the marriage?
