The bills. I tried what Almost is suggesting and it worked for a while. My H's crazy spending has been more responsible than most, Thank God for small favors, but it is hard to talk to them about it. And often, they don't seem to remember later. My H knows what the bills are but doesn't care too much what happens to the other money. At least he didn't. Now he understands that it is important for me to have a cushion, and we finally have one in the account. He isn't spending much but he does choose not to say much to me about his small purchases anymore although they add up. I was advised to separate the finances and protect myself, but that was something I haven't done. I don't know if I'm being stupid but I felt like I had to give him trust SOMEWHERE and he hasn't run us into the poor house yet. LOL.
What did seem to help was telling him how much I needed each week, for gas, spending, and food. Then we agreed on how much he could take each week. The rest other than bills is left alone unless we discuss it. Seems to be working the best. We also have a ledger that all deposits and withdrawls get kept track of (his idea). We both know how much is there and what is being spent and where. We each have our "allowance" which isn't really much and basically what we do with that money is up to each of us.
You mentioned how long? Do your best not to focus on that. If you do, it can get really depressing. We were out last night and saw MIL for second time in almost 2 years. H was downright shocked that it had been that long. So that tells me he has no idea how long this has all been going on. You just find your strength everyday and move forward. And remember, even though you want him home, you really want him to finish this as hard as it is to watch and live through. Because you do NOT want him to recycle again down the road.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
