Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
The weekend sounds really nice. It's great that you will both be involved with the Scouts. Doing things together is an important part of a marriage that tends to get dropped once you have kids. Then each parent is running off in different directions. Having things that you enjoy doing together helps to bond the couple.
I think this was one catalyst to our current problems. We used to do a lot together, both for fun and as volunteers. Once the boys came, we did less and less. Once we are back on track, I plan to make sure we stay connected and begin doing things together again.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Yes, they will talk about that at Retrouvaille, living the married-singles lifestyle. It is a marriage killer. When you go in different directions, you have nothing in common anymore, and then nothing to say, and you grow apart. Start slowly doing a few things together, like you did this weekend. You will have a running head start by the time you go to Retrouvaille.
Thanks for the advice. I want very badly to be doing things with her again, we used to have so much fun. It's weird how you don't even realize that you are growing apart as it happens, just all of sudden you are in different places.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
Last night we sat together on the couch and watched TV. We haven't done that in a while. I went to bed first, I was tired. She came in 15 minutes later and kinda started a conversation. I went with it, we talked and laughed about the kids for a few minutes before going to sleep. When she got into the bed, though, the first thing she said was she was cold. She pulled the covers up and shuddered. I wanted very much to cuddle with her, which is what I always used to do when she was cold. I didn't, then I thought I would ask her if she wanted me to. Ultimately, I didn't do anything, just talked for a few minutes.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
When she got into the bed, though, the first thing she said was she was cold. She pulled the covers up and shuddered. I wanted very much to cuddle with her, which is what I always used to do when she was cold. I didn't, then I thought I would ask her if she wanted me to. Ultimately, I didn't do anything, just talked for a few minutes.
What?! Oh crap, I thought I was detaching. Oh well, back to the drawing board. One day I'll get the hang of this DBing!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I'll be sure to turn the A/C way up tonight before we go to bed!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
What?! Oh crap, I thought I was detaching. Oh well, back to the drawing board. One day I'll get the hang of this DBing!
Remember, the full phrase is "loving detachment." It's the opposite of "enmeshed/co-dependent." To be enmeshed, you would NEED to have physical contact with her, and you would define your own self-worth by it.
To be "lovingly detached" in last nite's situation, you might have, first of all, NOT asked her (women like it when men are more "leading"), and just snuggled up behind her in a spoon position. If she responded favorably, I would have kept it at non-sexual touching at this point, but if she had said something like "I'm just not ready for that right now," or in any way pulled away from you, just confidently reply "That's fine, I understand," and then BE OKAY WITH THAT. Don't pout, get depressed, or feel rejected by it.
Anyway, I don't think the question would be whether or not it was "detaching" so much as it would be "was it needy/grabby." And since SHE initiated with the shiver and the "I'm cold" comment, I don't think it would have been.
