Hey?!? Who Locked Up My Mojo?

[robx]

the increased frequency of swearing & overall harsh attitude is the by-product of what happens when the WAW loses respect & attraction for their husband. They are no longer attracted to their husbands and treat them harshly to get rid of them & scare them and they do it because it works.

Ok, that was me too. But there is more to it and I often wonder what "it" is. In my sitch, that was me. I was no longer attracted to H. But, he was spending all our money, took no responsibility, blamed me for everything, was out all the time, exaggerated and lied publicly and privately compared us to people who had about a million times more money than us and he created total chaos when he was home (maybe ADD). My "love" for him was not enough to keep me attracted.

But, I am so able to be attracted to him and do want him (just not all that other stuff, yikes)...

Ok, point being that I didn't really want him to leave me, I wanted him to be present and stable and as coach would say, to "lead."

So, if anything will stand a chance of getting a WAW out of the fog and the hostility and repelling, I bet it is doing just the above. And if not, woohoo for the next lucky lady.

By doing what? I missed that part.

[PortlandDad]

My WAW was always a potty-mouth, but she became much more "expressive" when she was in full-on WA mode. She seems to have cooled off since, but for a while there, I started to think she had a single-digit vocabulary.

[mindfull]

SP - Just checkin' in... Been busy w/D18 issues. I see you've been in the Midwest. Wish I would have known we would have had you over w/the kiddies boating! Sorry about the "cluckers" at the weddings, etc... They're curious, eager to help, and see someone "ripe for the pickin'"! A bit painful, though, huh?

[Greek]

the increased frequency of swearing & overall harsh attitude is the by-product of what happens when the WAW loses respect & attraction for their husband. They are no longer attracted to their husbands and treat them harshly to get rid of them & scare them and they do it because it works.

Nope, I wouldn't say that is the case for me. It was rebellion. In my opinion and by most accounts, I had been a good little wife - SAHM, volunteered/worked at our church, homeschooled, good daughter, good sister, errand runner, housekeeper, cook (dinner on a beautifully set table EVERY night)...no mess in my life. Who can live like THAT?????

I didn't walk away b/c I was rebellious - we had troubles - but when I did walk away, I made some sort of connection to that good girl stuff not getting me anywhere in the long run, and I invoked the bad language as a means of displaying that I'd had it with all of that. I could cuss if I wanted to, damnit...so there. Immature rebellion.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

So THAT'S what's with my wife's "Sinful" shirts . . .

[AlexEN]

the increased frequency of swearing & overall harsh attitude is the by-product of what happens when the WAW loses respect & attraction for their husband. They are no longer attracted to their husbands and treat them harshly to get rid of them & scare them and they do it because it works.

Nope, I wouldn't say that is the case for me. It was rebellion. In my opinion and by most accounts, I had been a good little wife - SAHM, volunteered/worked at our church, homeschooled, good daughter, good sister, errand runner, housekeeper, cook (dinner on a beautifully set table EVERY night)...no mess in my life. Who can live like THAT?????

I didn't walk away b/c I was rebellious - we had troubles - but when I did walk away, I made some sort of connection to that good girl stuff not getting me anywhere in the long run, and I invoked the bad language as a means of displaying that I'd had it with all of that. I could cuss if I wanted to, damnit...so there. Immature rebellion.

That's how it "looks" in my W, too; "I'm tired of being a good girl"...

[robx]

the increased frequency of swearing & overall harsh attitude is the by-product of what happens when the WAW loses respect & attraction for their husband. They are no longer attracted to their husbands and treat them harshly to get rid of them & scare them and they do it because it works.

Nope, I wouldn't say that is the case for me. It was rebellion. In my opinion and by most accounts, I had been a good little wife - SAHM, volunteered/worked at our church, homeschooled, good daughter, good sister, errand runner, housekeeper, cook (dinner on a beautifully set table EVERY night)...no mess in my life. Who can live like THAT?????

I didn't walk away b/c I was rebellious - we had troubles - but when I did walk away, I made some sort of connection to that good girl stuff not getting me anywhere in the long run, and I invoked the bad language as a means of displaying that I'd had it with all of that. I could cuss if I wanted to, damnit...so there. Immature rebellion.

So what turned things around for you?

You rebelled - did your spouse just let you rebel and give you time to deal with it, ie. "space", what specifically got you to change your mind to thinking you wanted to be married again? What actions did he do specifically that changed your mind about rebelling and changed your mind to believe that the marriage was worth it?

[aliveandkicking]

the increased frequency of swearing & overall harsh attitude is the by-product of what happens when the WAW loses respect & attraction for their husband. They are no longer attracted to their husbands and treat them harshly to get rid of them & scare them and they do it because it works.

Ok, that was me too. But there is more to it and I often wonder what "it" is. In my sitch, that was me. I was no longer attracted to H. But, he was spending all our money, took no responsibility, blamed me for everything, was out all the time, exaggerated and lied publicly and privately compared us to people who had about a million times more money than us and he created total chaos when he was home (maybe ADD). My "love" for him was not enough to keep me attracted.

But, I am so able to be attracted to him and do want him (just not all that other stuff, yikes)...

Ok, point being that I didn't really want him to leave me, I wanted him to be present and stable and as coach would say, to "lead."

So, if anything will stand a chance of getting a WAW out of the fog and the hostility and repelling, I bet it is doing just the above. And if not, woohoo for the next lucky lady.

By doing what? I missed that part.

be present and stable and as coach would say, to "lead."

[Thinker]

the increased frequency of swearing & overall harsh attitude is the by-product of what happens when the WAW loses respect & attraction for their husband. They are no longer attracted to their husbands and treat them harshly to get rid of them & scare them and they do it because it works.

Not sure that's the case as the swearing, at least in my case, is rarely directed at me. It's, as others seem to have said, directed at other drivers or even the kids or a story about the day's happening. It seems more of a general rebellion than anything else. It certainly ain't scary. In fact, I've often caught myself laughing (and tried to hide that from the kids) when she does it because it's so out-of-character... It's almost like the kid who is trying to be cool by swearing but comes across as anything but.

Same here. It is normally directed at the traffic or some silly external influence. Not scary, just inappropriate and unattractive.

[Greek]

So what turned things around for you?

You rebelled - did your spouse just let you rebel and give you time to deal with it, ie. "space", what specifically got you to change your mind to thinking you wanted to be married again? What actions did he do specifically that changed your mind about rebelling and changed your mind to believe that the marriage was worth it?

This question has a HUGE answer but the thumbnail sketch:

To be clear - I did not leave my H as an act of rebellion. I had "potty mouth"(as Puppy says) as a form of rebellion - the 'good girl' thing I referred to earlier. I left b/c I was hurting and being hurt - not to rebel. I came home b/c my H is a DB Iron Man (haha). No seriously --- he made changes that addressed the issues I was cussing about as I walked out of the door. When I got to the point that I believed I could trust the changes I saw, I came home.

I still cuss when I want to.