GH31 - Dilemma with my pregnant wife

[GH31]

Saffie, how do I find you on there?

More drama.

OM just called me asking if I could go to England to get W out of his apartment. He said W had been googling abortion links saving them to his computer, making it really obvious. He said he was off with his new girlfriend for three days. OM also said she had been acting really irrational and crazy

I rang W at his apartment and chit-chatted calmly about family stuff to sooth her. She seemed completely normal sa if nothing was going on. I asked OM to call the police to remove her which he did, but they said since she's not a stranger to him, hasn't damaged anything and let herself in they can't do anything. As soon as I get home I will ring up mental health organisations in England to see what they can do. OM has sent me a few emails describing what she has been doing.

W is a complete law unto herself, and only herself.

[GH31]

Another thing. OM said W had discovered condoms in his apartment and that the relationship with his new girlfriend is now physical. W is apparently "very depressed" about this. He said W was trying to get him to make love to her "one last time", that she "needed a happy moment" and said to him "let me rape you".

I want to be sick.

OM said the only reason he and wife were physical in her last little visit was because W had insisted that I wanted the baby to be terminated and that she and I were history. I am not necessarily believing him but OM was adamant that he had physically restrained W from being sexual, apologized profusely to me and asked me to forgive him. Unbelievable.

I have taken some pretty drastic measures to avoid dealing with her and she is still able to encroach on my life and good mood.

[GH31]

Here's an email that W sent to me on Friday:

Hi GH31,

You must be feeling quite upset right now. I totally understand.

After I spoke to dad, I thought about what he said and he was right about a few things. I've been upset with you for a long time now and I guess I have dismissed some of your good qualities; I've been focusing on the bad, about the disappointment etc.

I really wanted to have a happy life once I got married and I was so crushed when you destroyed the dream.

And now I am in this mess and I'm not happy at all. I just want to be in love and trust my husband 100% with my heart.

I flew over again bacause I knew this would be the end to the OM chapter in my life.

I wanted to visit Germany with [gay friend], I thought it would be good to do a trip before the baby comes.

I didn't tell you I was planning to visit England first because I knew how you would react. I need to see OM because he offered to arrange the cheap tickets for us a few weeks back. I also wanted to see him one last time.

I decided to fly on the day I did because I knew OM wouldn't be here; He's been away in Morocco all of this week; Due back last Saturday night; I just wanted a few days alone: Blobbing out doing nothing.

I know my life will change when the baby comes. And I hope to be recovered from all this by then.

I plan to be back late next week so we can have a good chat then.

See you then;
W xx

W is the female four letter word ending in U N T and it's not "aunt". She is a manipulative monster able to encroach on my enjoyment of life and good mood despite being as far away as she can possibly be. What an absolute maggot of a human being; I will be staying at my friend's house by the time she gets back.

[Sara]

But she's using her silver tongue! It's always tricked you into loving her before! why isn't it working now?

[Phoenixdeux]

Unbelievable..both of you. I'm glad to see you getting out and about, but I can see already, even if you can't, that you will be at the airport and welcoming her with open arms...finally content because OM has kicked your wife to the curb. Nowhere do I see you confront all of her antics. Nowhere do I see you expressing any of your feelings to her. No wonder she feels free to say, "I'm tore up about OM and I'm coming back early." My response would have been, "doesn't matter to me when you come back...I'm not yours anymore."

[Phoenixdeux]

This leaves me with a feeling of nausea. Yuck!

I could be off base, but I think you will still want to be her knight in shining armor, riding to the rescue of this damsel in distress. She won't seek help or accept help because she doesn't see it. You and OM are the problem....not her (as far as she's concerned).

Wanna save her? Then do the wise thing and get the heck out of dodge. When did you take a look at yourself? When she left you...wasn't it? When will she take a look at herself? When she NEEDS to make the changes. She's coming back soon...get your stuff out of there and be dark. Get going...ASAP

[Deep]

GH, very sorry to hear of the latest developments mate, although that's like saying it's inconvenient to have a rabid dog tear off a limb.

Your W really, really sounds deranged. I'm not sure what you can humanly try to do for her ... probably nothing. And as you say, even when away she can disrupt what you can do for yourself.

With her carrying your kid, I think you have some decisions to make ...

[smith18]

W is the female four letter word ending in U N T and it's not "aunt". She is a manipulative monster able to encroach on my enjoyment of life and good mood despite being as far away as she can possibly be. What an absolute maggot of a human being; I will be staying at my friend's house by the time she gets back.

Applause!!!

I cant help but be a little humored by the fact that OM now has a problems with this crazy lady.

Do what you need to do asap to get divorced from this train wreck.

The scary thing is that there is some unsuspecting guy out there that may fall prey to her in the future.

[GH31]

Phoenixdeux,

Thanks for checking in and for not mincing your words.

I'm glad to see you getting out and about, but I can see already, even if you can't, that you will be at the airport and welcoming her with open arms...finally content because OM has kicked your wife to the curb.

I wish she would stay away and not come back and I couldn't care less if she stays with OM. The last few weeks is the first time I've managed to achieve complete indifference. I can't tell you how much better I have felt since she left last week.

I will not be there for her at the airport. No way in the world.

I am so ashamed of myself for not manning up about this whole situation earlier - she somehow managed to keep me in a state of fear so she could manipulate me. How irresponsible could I possibly have been? I was tricked and deceived into thinking all was well earlier this year and we ended up conceiving a child. I would need to be tied up, gagged, sedated and bundled into a van in order to be at the airport. I am really disgusted with myself and furious that it's taken me this long to see it.

We spent almost all of our time together, no wonder my mind was so addled and poisoned. In the last week I have been speaking daily with my mother, father, sister (they live in another country) and friends - there's a whole great life out there that I have been missing.

I should also add that the thought of having sex with her or of even touching her makes my blood run cold.

[saffie]

GH,

I know you don't trust OM and I would say that you need to continue this. However much he stresses he doesn't want your W etc, he obviously has given her means of access to his accomodation so that she can come and go at will. If I was OM's new GF I would be seeing your W off. Something still feels a bit strange about OM and what is going on that end.

I am going to be away for a couple of weeks. I hope things don't get too much worse for you when W returns....although my guess is the sh!t will really hit the fan.

Just remember you have come a long way....it's up to your W to prove herself now....not you.

BTW, I think I go under the name of Saffie on FBook - Sara will know