"SPLITTING is designed for anyone facing a high conflict divorce, whether or not your spouse meets the criteria for a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality. Its explanations of WHAT TO EXPECT in Family Court and WHAT TO DO to protect yourself and your children, can be used by anyone, including your attorney, your therapist, your family and others involved in your case.
...Since I had been a therapist for the previous decade, I recognized these personality problems -- but I did not realize at first how successful they can be at manipulating and confusing legal professionals.
Rather than being rational and protective, the Family Court process can be very unpredictable and inadvertently encourages false allegations, aggressive and sometimes violent behavior, and intense blaming of the Non-BP or Non-NP spouse... Because the courts are often more persuaded by the intense emotions and blaming behavior of a Borderline or Narcissist, than by your honest presentation of the facts. I call them "Persuasive Blamers."
This book ... summarizes the lessons I have learned, including: the importance of careful preparations before announcing the divorce, using therapists and experts, avoiding short hearings on important issues, fighting hard at the beginning rather than trying to fix bad decisions later, and how to work most effectively with your attorney. I do not blame Borderlines and Narcissists, as they are also caught up in this adversarial process which often enables them to remain stuck rather than getting the help they need."
Which reminds me, it's about time to re-read it myself...
-AlexEN
And I wonder why I have felt intimidated and fearful of initiating D ...I just need help. I'm so twisted up, don't know if I'm the crazy one or more likely, we both are.
I was reading today how withholding sex is a form of emotional abuse. So, narcissistic or not, it makes sense that H is happy to discover he is desirable.
Unlike some, I was not intentionally withholding to alter his behavior or get something from him. I was literally so turned off and insecure in the M and at times he disgusted me. I want to talk to C about this too. Why would I get to a place where I was so contemptuous of someone I love? And if it was just our dynamic (I suspect living with a narcissist can have some side effects), why did I engage in and stay in that R for so long? Of course, more important, what do I do about it now??
I really want to lead regardless of whether H ever follows. For our childrens' sakes I hope and pray that H might get some help too. I can say that I think if he does just have narcissistic tendencies that have blown up in an acute outburst, it would make sense that lack of sex and feeling undesirable would help push him over that edge. It does seem he is overcompensating a bit...just a wee bit.
I don't think it is my fault, I think I felt as stuck and screwed over as he did.
...I just need help. I'm so twisted up, don't know if I'm the crazy one or more likely, we both are. 