I understand how you feel. I think that's b/c the pressure is off when W is not around. Whenever I have taken my S out of town for the weekend, I was relaxed until the day we had to go back home b/c I knew what was waiting for me at home.
So very true!
LFH,
I think you summed it up when you said that you were trying to be the very best man/husband you could be and if that wasn't enough for your W then what more could you do. That is all any of us can do....."the best of our ability".
The point is that a lot of men could not do as you are doing. They would HAVE TO KNOW if there was another man in the picture and if their W was having an A or not. The way you see it is that you could do nothing to stop her "if" she was having an A. You have chosen to go the path you can take and we all have to do that in the end. You confronted your W after the pressure got to you and it did not turn out well. I think I remembered telling you not to do that.....but I understand "why" you did. I bet it shocked you to hear her think the same thing about you, didn't it? I believe it was due to you detaching too much about the time you first came on the board. She saw you as being cold and distant and she thought you were acting suspicious! I think Michele would say, "mysterious". (lol) Hard to find a balance in these things.
I do not find fault with you working the DBing this way. I think it takes a special kind of strength for a man (or woman) to live their life as best they can under these circumstances.
I am glad that you are reaching a place you can begin to feel comfortable and hopefully find some peace. B/c when you can, you will be able to "drop the rope" and I think one way or the other.....it will be for your best.
Keeping working on yourself.....but to make "you" happy.....not just your W.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
