WAS seeing reality?

[v1olin]

I was just about to update. I probably just had a huge backslide but man I am tired of not talking to her! I called her to tell her that I will pay half of a membership to the museum for our kids and that started a big conversation. I told her that I did not want the divorce, the legal crap, and I also told her that I realise my part in our marriage failing. I felt this was important to say even if it is against DB rules because I do understand I had a part in this. Then she said that it takes two to screw something up. So she did not let me take all the blame. Man, I feel like I really made a mistake here becasue I told her that I felt like she was getting a double bonus out of this divorce because not only does she get rid of me but she also gets the kids out of her hair every other weekend. Ooooo, she did not like that one.
From talking to her I guess she has not heard from my lawyers yet. She asked 3 times what I was asking for in the divorce and so I told her I would be asking for joint custody and child support- another DB mistake I think. Not feeling to good right now. I will be moving into an apartment on the 24th and that depresses the heck out of me. I will feel better about my kids coming to stay with me now though.
Dont get me wrong though, I have been working on me. I have been going to the gym, wearing colonge, buying nice clothes and I have lost 30 pounds. I dont let every little thing that wife does drive me crazy anymore either. I just feel like I been trying everything and not seeing any positive changes in her towards me.