Hello Kittyfish & Sandi2!

[BigJohn]

I would just say that the more "off the deep end" she seems to get--the more the red flags are flying. If you feel that she is showing signs of being in a disillusional state of mind, then you need to try to protect her from herself. You need professional advice in how to do that. But first, make sure she is in that frame of mind and needs intervention of some sort. I say that b/c as cold as it may sound.....all LBH's think their WAW has about lost their minds. It can become a very serious matter. I think my family was very concerned about me b/c I was nothing like my usual self.

I really hate even bringing up the possibility of a more serious psychological problem with my W, but to me her whole concept and pursuit of this R- along with how she rationalizes it all- seems "delusional". The fact that she continues to pursue OM after he has apparently told her he's not interested and been verbally abusive to her really concerns me, particularly in the context of what I know about OM. It's already an unhealthy R and she apparently still wants to D me and break up our family.

When you told of how hateful the OM was to her--but yet she continued this "fantasy" about their "love"......it is something (I think) that may merit some type of intervention. I simply don't know. You may have to be the final one to make that call if you do not have support. Is there any relatives or friends that support your feelings about this?

I have not discussed this particular concern about my W with anyone. My fears could be completely wrong here and I have no desire to embarrass my W to anyone within our circle of friends and family. Any intervention would likely be limited to me along with any health professional who might evaluate her. Understandably this would be a very tough issue to deal with my W as she would probably feel insulted despite knowing my concern for her and how much I love her.

I think there may be at least two options here.....either her going to meet OM and getting "shocked" into reality of what he truly is and feels about her......or have some type of health intervention. I have never suggested that on the DB board where a WAW is concerned (at least I don't remember doing it) but I am concerned about this abusive situation from OM. Even if she went to see OM, she could be placing herself in harm's way.

I don't think she is presently in a place psychological/emotionally where she could be "shocked" by meeting OM in person. As far as being in harm's way, I don't think OM would risk being violent with my W but being the scum that he is would likely take advantage of her sexually.

I also wonder if it would do further damage to her mental state if OM was nasty to her.

If they meet in person, OM will likely wait to be nasty until after he has had his way with her sexually, they he will dump her and send her home. Hope it doesn't play out that way and she sees him for what he is but that is my fear.

After you spoke to your friend, it has me more concerned than ever. I don't know how you would stop her if she decides she is going. That is what I was thinking the last time I talked about her going to meet OM. Did your friend offer any suggestions?

I may be able to slow her down but I can't stop her. My friend had no suggestions to offer.

I have talked to several LBH's about the hormone problems with women and I know from experience that it has a huge, huge affect on females when the hormone factor is not balanced and working properly. That's why it can seem as if they are going off their rocker!

I am aware of this and recognize it is a touchy subject for women- especially if the subject is first brought up by a man. At the beginning of the EA, I dismissed possible hormone issues with my W as it just seemed too coincidental, happening at the same time as the EA. However as things have progressed I've come to realize that it may be something that needs to be ruled out.

Where do you stand with her parents and do they have any idea what's going on? (Sorry if you've told me.....I forget.)

The family on both sides is supportive of me and the kids. Aside from seeking some initial emotional support from my in-laws, I have ceased communicating with them regarding our M. They know how much I love my W and family and that I will continue to fight like hell for our M.

I feel like I'm grasping at straws, so I can only imagine what you must be going through!! What about your family doctor? Could you speak to him/her about your W and see what could be done? The thing here is the "legal" part of forcing somebody against their will. Of course, you know that.....I'm just talking out loud.

[quote]Please let me know if you find somebody that knows what steps to take. I don't know if you'd start with a doctor or lawyer in a case like this. But, my thoughts would be to try to discuss her situation with the family doctor or her gynecologist.

I agree that this would be a good place to start, having her go in for a physical, but even that might be a hard sell for my W right now.

Thanks for the feedback as always Sandi. I've got several other things that I'm dealing with right now but I'll let you know what I find out regarding the above.