well the day is coming to a close and its the 3rd day i havent contacted the H.
it was the hardest of the 3 days by far. im hoping the next 4 days will be easier, im halfway to my first goal of not contacting him for a whole week. proud of myself for staying in control during this horribly tough day.
In order to get back on track on not feel the same way i did today, i MUST have some goals to achieve tomorrow:
1) do a load of laundry in the morning
2) go for a walk around the neighborhood
3) work on more ebay stuff
4) relist some furniture on CL
5) read some more pages in DR
6) clean out closet and gather more stuff to sell at flea market again on sunday
7) GO ONE DAY WITHOUT CHECKING THINGS ON THE INTERNET THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH H!! this is very important for me in terms of detaching because today i did nothing but look at FB, MS, Twitter etc etc.. i really really need to stop. tomorrow is my one day challenge to not check anything at all. this is gonna be a tough one but i know i can do it. if i can go 3 days without contacting him, i can do this. i know i can, i know i can!
well those are my 7 goals for tomorrow. lucky number 7. having hope that tomorrow will be much better than today.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
I'm not sure if right away for me, but I find the more I detach and go NC that the easier it gets each day.
Also, I think your list for tomorrow is great, but I still think maybe build in some fun things. Read a chapter of a fun book or go to lunch or coffee with a friend or something like that. I was being super productive last week, but then I felt like I needed to do some fun and relaxing so I did that Saturday, and I kind of felt like I recharged my batteries or something. I think it's important to have a balance b/w work and play/relaxing or I find myself feeling out of whack. Maybe that's just me though??? Karen
Hey, beep, I think you're kickin' a$$, lately. Good for you. Geez, I try to keep my to-do list to amanageable and attainable 3 or 4, but you... I agree w/karen43...fun? And I also attest to the more no contact, the healthier I became in many ways.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Stop it,Stop it,Stop it,Stop it,Stop it,Stop it, Right now!!!!!!!
I have a H that makes a decision and sticks to it religiously. But, he has blinked. I don't know why. If it is what I've said/not said, done/not done, him thinking, whatever. It doesn't matter really.
You are talking yourself into a depressed state. It is a habit and it is high time you break it. I can tell you this because this was/is a habit I have had and sometimes fight now.
Make a list of 10 things that you can do instead of call or email him.
Make a list of 10 things you can do instead of getting into a sorry state.
Do it now. Force yourself to follow your lists.
It takes three weeks to make a new habit stick. Keep doing this at least 3 weeks.
If you want ANY chance at all then you better force yourself to do this. If you don't then you are still the depressed person he left because of the depression and you have deprived yourself of what you truly want. He will have no reason to pause or blink.
Don't tell me its too hard or a list of reasons why you can't. You can. You must. If you don't make the effort then you might as well file yourself.
There is one thing to remember, there is over and then there is over. You have given him no reason to question his decision. He is sure, and more sure whenever you contact him in the same state. Work on you, start changing and growing.
Do it for you. Do it to have a chance with him. But mostly do it for you. No relationship will survive that puts all the responsibility on one person. You are not as weak, sad, scared as you feel. It is a habit. I really bad habit.
Break yourself of it. Sign up for daily affirmations to come to your email. Make a daily plan. Get up every day and do your hair and make-up. Dress nice. Decorate your room. Spend time every day looking for that job. Put on happy music every day.
You can do this. I did it. You know how? I read some of my beginning posts and realized how weak and unattractive I sounded and I knew there was no way I could attract my husband back that way.
STOP the negative self - talk.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
THANK YOU for the kick in the a$$. i needed that. im gonna stop, im gonna STOP!! i know how unattractive i sound but sometimes i cant help how i feel. im trying so hard, when those feelings come, i try to do things that make me feel better but it just doesnt work most of the time. but i know i have to keep doing it anyway because like you said, it takes at least 3 weeks for a habit to stick. i will go and create that list that you suggested and i WILL stick to it. i know i need to do this, i have to do it for me. AGAIN, THANK YOU!
so journaling now. woke up earlier than usual to really bad chest pains and couldnt breathe. was about to go to the ER as i felt like i was near fainting. dont know why but it was one of the worst pains ive ever felt and took some really strong pain killers and waited it out for a few hours and it went away. PRAYING it doesnt come back!
so despite the bad chest pain, my morning is going well. i feel quite happy right now! listened to lots of music that pumped up my mood and and danced to it for a bit! god i miss that! just singing at the top of my lungs and dancing like no ones watching (no one is now!).
so i made plans for Friday, my friend is having a birthday party for her boyfriend at this uber chic restaurant in beantown and i wasnt going to go because since its an upscale restaurant, i couldnt afford the dinner or drinks and she told me not to worry about it and just come out and have fun. so i agreed and i actually cant wait to dress up again!!
i have to admit that i do find it much easier not to contact the H. the urge isnt as strong as before and detaching from him is getting a bit easier. the hardest part if not looking at his fb and ms pages etc. but i promised myself i wouldnt do it so im not going to! ill find something else to do instead as snooping is not doing anything for my sitch and is just a really bad thing to do in general!
so good news!! i just might have an apartment and roommate secured in the city! im so excited but i really have to try and not get my hopes up because the process hasnt fully begun yet. the place is awesome, ive lived there before and its right in the center of the city and just a beautiful spot. i hope everything works out, fingers crossed!
and now..onto my first goal of doing some laundry.
Me: 25 years young H: 37 No Kids M: almost 3 years (anniv coming up Sept 25th) Together: 4years Bomb: June 12th, 2009
**LOVE WILL FIND A WAY FOR TWO FOOLS IN THE RAIN**
Way to go, Beepee. Enjoy the party, and good luck with the apartment.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I was thinking.... I agree with what Karen said. I think you should put in some "fun" goals, as well as the list of what you want to accomplish each day. Maybe you can use them to reward yourself, as you check off the other goals. Even things like blasting the music, and dancing like no one is watching!
