Has anyone seen my get-up-and-go?

[Dawn of Hope]

Thanks so very much to all of you for your support. I am taking in what you are saying and appreciating it. I am going to pass on responding to specifics right now because I am just so tired, I don't have the energy. Please keep posting to me.

So often I wish I could just KNOW that this would all come out well in the end, even if I didn't see how--I'm still faking it there--then I would be able to have better equilibrium about all of the ups and downs in between. I could deal okay with years of standing if I knew that no matter how long it took, it would be all right eventually (all right by my definition, that is, not anyone else's). It's the uncertainty that gets to me.

The trouble I have is that I didn't have a lot of "happy" even years before the bomb--not for 30 years, in fact--so it's not like I just need to regain my balance from the shock. Being happy, for me, is definitely NOT just a matter of finding the mojo that I lost when he went MLC on me...it is something that would be a totally new experience for me--a matter of finding it for the first time since I was a pre-adolescent. And I've tried a lot of things that haven't gotten me to that point.

I'm really worn out today. I hope things will be better soon, and I appreciate any and all help and support, so please keep it coming!

Peace,
Dawn