Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

Thanks guys for that, it was good to read and helped me get some thoughts straight. I think I know what I feel for now. Just been struggling with direction lately. I decided I need to focus more on me. I'm going to read this again tomorrow and think about it properly.

I went to the gym after work, which was good and then went to a friends and talked and had some wine.

H emailed me at work today saying he hopes im well, he just remembered it was the 4th (yeh over a week late!) asked what i did, said 'let me know you are ok' which made me think he sounded worried about not hearing from me for so long. he also said we can meet up this week if you want? it annoys me he always puts that on there like he wont admit he wants to see me or he's putting it on me all the time.

I ignored the email since i was at work. Then bc I was busy after work didn't email back. Then i got text saying similar. Thats different usually he just emails then waits for me to get back even if it takes days. The text said 'would i like to meet up this week? make sure we got everything covered?' then a bit about him. I feel like again he's using this excuse to see me and cant tell if he really wants to or what?! So maybe I should just act as if he does want to see me assuming otherwise he wouldn't ask or be bothered.

i didn't respond as I've had a bit to drink and didnt want to say anything I'd regret later. But feel bad that he sounded worried but I still didn't respond.

My thoughts are that I'll say Ill meet up and let him know when I'm free, and not give any weekend days. I wonder if I'm being too accommodating tho?

I half feel like just saying what do you want to meet for? what do we need to make sure is covered?

Ok I'm just rambling now...

Ill rethink about it all again in the morning and reread the good advice in these post with a clear head, will take on board any thoughts or suggestions tho?

I've had comments that its like I'm playing a game now, but then I feel like I have to play this way as just saying what I want straight out isn't and won't work.