I am standing strong today. More strong than I've felt this past weekend. I just sent this (VERY non DB) letter to my husband:
No guilt trips, DH. This is just reality. I love you. I would do anything for you. I want more than anything for you to be happy.
It does not matter what you say. I love you. I may be a stupid fool but I promised to love you forever and that is what I intend to do. I took marriage vows and I will live them and stand for our marriage. They will have to break down my door and come in with guns and force my fists open and make me take separation papers. They will have to cut off my finger to take off my wedding rings.
If I have to love you and be alone at the same time then I better grow a thick skin fast because I have honestly tried not to love you. I have tried and I can not stop. I do not want anyone else and I never will.
You will come to realize that we belong to each other. It may take years for you to see that. But there is no one else I would rather wait for the rest of my life than you. I do not care how I am judged by anyone, except you.
I will make you proud of me, baby. You will see that we are better together than alone. There will come a time that you will feel alone, and I will be there for you. I will be waiting for you with complete forgiveness and open arms.
Feel free to swing the 2x4's because God put this on my heart to put on paper. My FIL told me in many ways H thinks he can not be a man because of his ED. H as much as told FIL that he can't fill that roll and it isn't fair to me. (Far be it for me to point out yet again that nothing gets fixed without a doctor.)
This is not denial. This isn't looking the opposite direction from reality. I have time, all the time in the world. I have the rest of my life. I intend to go on and have the richest fullest life of my own, while still loving my H.
Its just one more part of life that can get you hung up if you expect it to be fair. It isn't fair and it isn't easy. We all have choices to make and I made mine April 10, 1987. Reaffirmed this date, July 13, 2009. Signed. Sealed. Decided. Done.
Quite the proclamation. And one that I am surely proud of you for
Better watch out for people from VA though they have this opposing stance to M and they try and talk people down from such seemingly perilous martyr like stands.
There .....that should stir the pot a bit!! LD= laughing diabolically!
