Sorry to read what you are going through. In many ways, it sounds the same as it has been for me, although my W goes to extreme efforts to conceal and deny what is going on rather being open about her EA (s).
I have had the same thoughts - "How can she be attracted to that Loser?" "This is impossible!" etc.
All I can say right now is "Detach". She has to find her own way out.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
