Finally trying to move on without H

[beepee]

so ive been doing a lot of thinking lately and im feeling quite hopeless right now mainly because of the sitch im in and how it differs to many of the other sitchs' ive read about.

many of the WAS left for a variety of reasons, mainly because of OP or because of the ILY but not in love with you speech etc. now im not saying my sitch is unique at all, but i havent been able to find anyone who is in a similar sitch as mine. there is no OP in our R, and H says he still loves me but never said he wasnt in love with (until i emailed him and screamed at him to say it to me, so i basically backed him up against a wall and said it to me because thats what i asked him to do and said he felt uncomfortable saying it).

instead, he left me because of my depression. because he felt smothered, because he felt like he was living in a bubble and felt like i was emotionally abusing him, which i admit i was, and am so embarrassed about my behavior. but i have been learning to control the depression and my reactions and behaviors, little by little. but he didnt leave me in anger or anything, he just left. hes 100% sure he wants this divorce and keeps telling me in every email he sent me in the past few weeks that he REALLY REALLY does not want me to keep hope that we can be together and really wants to make that extremely clear to me that we will never be. he hasnt backed down on that at all but is very nice in all his emails to me. no blaming, nothing bad. which i feel is very different from other peoples sitch.

and because of that, i dont know why, it seems hopeless. i know that he is the type of person who is very indecisive but when he does make decisions on something, he follows thru and there is no room for any changes. i feel like this is one of those decisions.. like he will NEVER change his mind about reconciliation and his decision to divorce is FINAL. knowing the type of person he is, i am losing my hope and dont know if i should continue to do this. i cant stress enough how firm he is when he makes a decision. i dont think theres any hope left for reconcilation. he said he still wants to be best of friends but i told him that was too hard for me. nothing else was said about that. he doesnt contact me anymore, i dont contact him anymore. i feel like we're really done. i really think its over. ive been thinking about this all day and i think thats why i feel so low. thats it, i do believe its finally over..