Hey Alex - I haven't been around here too much lately but I wanted to check in. I read a lot of your thread but not all of it - so if I'm off please forgive me. As you know, I'm you 6 months from now. So I wanted to chime in with some support and you can take what you want out of it.
I did the in-house sep for about 8 months. It's brutal. Your W will blame you for everything under the sun when it comes to the kids anger towards her. You know what. Strength and Honor my friend. That is her issue - not yours. I know living under the same roof is incredibly difficult - but this is no longer about you or her. It's about those kids. Every waking moment your thoughts need to be about how to help their transition and how to help them grow with respect for others. I went through this. You are an incredible Dad - there is absolutely no doubt about that. But this is your toughest challenge.
It's time to set an example for them. Mostly with the way you interact with your W. I hate to tell you this, but it's going to get tougher in that department. The next stages in this process force that. She will probably withdraw more from you and blame you more and more for her issues and get nastier towards you. When you feel you need to respond - get the he!! out of there and have a go-to buddy where you can vent and then pay for the drinks! Post here - get it out in healthy ways and show your kids what strength, honor and respect is all about.
You are so right about your kids needing them to express themselves her and any expectations you have of hert and you be the rock. Everyone in your house is watching you now. The kids will mimic your behavior. Emotionally, I'm sure there are moments when you kinda like when they act out against her, hey she deserves it, and they are able to say what you would really like to say to her, but can't. But at the end of the day they are smart kids and know what has transpired. And they'll never forget it. As great a father as you have been, now is where you step it up to legendary heights. They will never forget it, trust me.
Regarding the schedule - I would not eat as a family with your W any more. It's a false reality. It creates tension that doesn't need to be there. And I'm sure deep down she will resent any of the joking around you guys do - we went through the exact same thing. If possible- work out some type of schedule where you have the kids for dinner on certain nights and she does also. When you are free utilize that time.
There is so much more that I want to say to you about this. My son just got here from summer school so I have to get him home. Will post more tonight or tomorrow.
Strength and Honor bro!! - You can handle it.
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
