I feel like I am operating in a vacuum

[cville22901]

Gardener:
Thanks for the reply. I refrained from calling her on the phone, but I did cheat and send her a very brief email. In the email, I asked if it would be okay to call her sometime and to find out how she is doing. I said that I enjoy talking to her. I tried to be very positive and not say anything more.

I've read a lot of posts about going dark as a 180. If she does not reply to my email or if she tells me not to attempt to contact her at all, I guess that's what I have to do.

I have seen two different mential health professionals in the last two days. Both of them basically told me, "She's gone." One of them told me that I was pounding my head into a brick wall.

I have to agree with them. Sooner or later, maybe I'll start believeing it deep down inside. Right now, I'm just not at a point where I can fully accept it.