I am doing my best to keep him here, mostly by not doing/saying anything about it. I never bring it up (and he really doesn't either anymore, at least not for awhile). I am trying to give him absolutely as much space as I can at home so he doesn't feel the need to leave. He is out quite a bit (gym, whatever) but I have noticed he is home more these days, at least some days, than he had been really for months.
In some ways I think it is hard to DB while he is here (like I cannot possibly look my best all the time:)), but here are some of the things I am doing: 1. Try to be in a different room if possible. 2. Don't talk too much to him. 3. Am almost always friendly and upbeat around him (and fake if I have to). 4. He sometimes does/sometimes doesn't volunteer where he is going when he goes out and I don't ask or ask when he will be home, etc. (He does almost always at least tell me he is leaving now so that is a plus). 5. I try to never call him when he is out for any reason. I would in the event of an emergency but otherwise he does live here so pretty much anything can wait. 6. I try not to make any comments that may sound like "mothering" (i.e, suggesting something if he is looking for something to eat, etc.). 7. When he is in his "cave" I don't disturb unless I absolutely have to.
I have seen some baby steps but then of course there are steps back. Still, trying to concentrate on the positives. He does seem to be reconnecting with the kids a lot more than he had been, baby baby baby steps in that direction with me, more interest in the house, etc.
He is still deep in MLC though for sure. But maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Trying to stay positive!:) My game plan will remain the same for now though I do adjust a bit as I go. And of course there are the occasional back slides . . .
