Has anyone seen my get-up-and-go?

[Dr.mom]

Dawn,
Don't snoop. Resist the urge, so very very hard to do. If you are intent on being open to reconciliation, praying for restoration, the MORE you know, the harder it will be to take them back.

And they DO come back, maybe not now, maybe not exactly when you want them to. But they do come back.

I think I would have been a little more willing to accept my (then) WAS's offer to get back together if I had not snooped into the life he was living while he was out of the home.

I found out how horribly deep all the craziness went, and all the layers upon layers upon layers of lies there were. I had no idea who this man really was, and if there was ANYONE on God's green earth that he was actually honest with.

When he came back, he did not reveal anything but the most superficial of "crimes" to me. He was still lying and in denial.

I wanted no part of that.

If I did not snoop, I might have been able to stay in the bliss of denial and go back to trying like hell to be the "perfect wife". It would have made things easier. Maybe the truth would have come out in counseling, or us getting closer, or something. But probably doubtful.

But when you "know too much", it is really hard to keep forward focused and think about reconciling.

And for the procrastination, don't beat yourself up.

I think I laid on the floor for about 11 months during my separation. Showering and grocery shopping on a regular basis was a huge step forward for me at that time.

Be good to yourself.

Seriously, sometimes separation/divorce/whatever is the needed catalyst to get things going in your life. Be it a "bad" thing, divorce really got me going with my life (again). The "old me" came back. As soon as I got my head wrapped around the fact that maybe I could be, no I WOULD be, better off alone I hit the ground running. I had a game plan, steps to take after the papers were finalized, a step-by-step timeline of goals to achieve. Within 12 months post-D I took my business idea that was always on the "back burner" during my marriage to a more "successful" partner. I was like a woman on fire.

It all comes around.

Dianne