So it begins to get over my wife

[JoshuaRobert]

The other "mistake" you're making -- or I should say the other way you're reading this wrong -- is that you're judging "success" by how she reacts, SHORT-TERM. Specifically, how she responds to you right at that moment.

I'd encourage you to begin, if you haven't already, to judge your success two ways:

1. By "Did I do the right thing?" and

2. OVER TIME, is she making a move back toward the marriage?


Puppy

puppy, actually i do look at it as a long term thing and about the last week and a half i've been trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. it's actually pretty amazing to me to be able and go back to only a month ago when i first posted about my sitch on here and read everything that's happened. doing so is one of the few things that has kept me sane and even on the path i'm taking. the times i said i really felt like giving up, i meant it. but then i'd go back and reread everything that's happened with me & W, and i do see progress.

i've mentioned before how impatient of a person i am. i'm not trying to rush through this, but i realize what wasn't working and am trying my hardest to do everything right. i know i screw up regularly, i just keep going forward. i don't want to be stuck feeling like i did a couple weeks ago or last week. my range of emotions for her over the last 5 or 6 weeks have ranged from begging, being nice, hurt, not caring, to anger. it's like i'm "stuck" in a few days to a week of one emotion then something happens and it changes. i probably have mood swings, but i can't stay where i am if it's uncomfortable.

and the thing about what would i do with a petulant child? lol! i have made a comment to my two closest friends about her a couple times in the last week about how much she is being childish. i told them i can't exactly send her to her room, but i don't have to sit there and listen to her throw a tantrum either.

We have to prepare you for your confrontation speech.

As you keep heading in the direction you are now in, she will be getting more curious to what is going on in your mind. (she has already hinted that she is now wondering what in the world is going on and hoping she isn't losing control of you)

At some point.. (not now, too early) she will ask you what is up with you and why you are acting this way..(she has already hinted a couple of times in only one day of this change in you)


You need to start practicing your response....

It will start with..... "Well, I have been doing some thinking. I HAVE DECIDED that" (and then you will fill in the things YOU have now decided) such as.. I don't want to be with someone who just ups and leaves... I don't want to be with a woman who can't make up their mind... I don't want to be with a woman who is texting another man.... I am going to be with someone who.....(fill in the blank) I realize that you are right and I think it is a good idea that we spend some time apart. I need some space to think.....
Those are the types of thoughts and things that you will say when you give her your.. "I HAVE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING AND I HAVE DECIDED speech...

Not now.. Too early.. It won't be long though, so get your "I have decided comments ready in your mind.

Gucci, first thank you so much for helping me layout a plan of attack with her. it is working, i know it. it just feels weird in the moment doing it, but i know it's the right thing to do.

last night after a lot of thinking about if i want to be here when she comes to get the dog Wednesday, i think i might. if she asks what my deal has been the last few days, i want to use the "i've been doing some thinking. I don't know what i want right now." then i want to UNLOAD on her. i am p*ssed at what she has done to me. i want an answer to why she just packed up and left after the day of talking about how she was going to stay and that she loved me so much, blah blah blah. i need an explanation for this. she's been gone how long and she still hasnt' taken the time to even give me one good reason why she did it.

in a all actuallity, she SHOULD BE WORRIED if i will take her back. because i'm not convinced yet if i do want her right now. i'm not going to blow up on her, but i am going to be calm and firm with her about how i'm feeling and what i want to know. if she can't give me a legitamite reason, i don't see any point of continuing contact with her. she's gone. she's playing games. and i'm so not happy with her right now. it's time she grew up, because i'm done dealing with her little charades.

I LOVE IT!! She will be texting every minute, but don't fall into her trap while she's playing this emotional cr@p. Just ignore those TM or you will walk into her web.

You are fantastic! BTW, I noticed she was referring to it as if the plans for her to come over was "both" of yours. Strange, I thought she was the master behind that one!

Expect anything.....and I mean ANYTHING from her now. Be strong and don't cave. She acts out of emotions and I think she will do whatever it takes to get your undivided attention to see if she still can. Right now, she's playing "you don't care about me" card.

I loved the way way you replied to her. Perfect!

Sandi

sandi, i want to thank you for giving me a ton of insight to what she is really thinking and what her MO is. You and my close female friend who knows her well have been absolutely amazing for me. it's hard to believe that anyone could be so manipulative and controlling, but i needed to know these things to get to where i am right now. it's almost unbelievable to me that women would follow such a "script" to what they are doing, but i do believe it now. I'm witnessing it first hand here. I've said it before and i'll say it again. you are an angel, seriously. Thank you for always taking time to check up on me and what's going on. I appreciate it more then you could ever know.

Wow,

This is really following script. I'm not chiming in because you are getting good advice from Gucci, Sandi, and Puppy. You're a stronger man than me; I'd have probably caved and went with the Tuesday night thing. Good for you being strong. I would like to say that you don't want to give up being a nice guy....so even though you have made other plans or whatnot, that you still have to respect her feelings. I think it would be right to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

I would like to say that you do need to be gone the night you said. If she comes by and finds you there....?? Probably won't help.

I do think that you are going a long ways towards establishing a more workable relationship. Up to this point she's kind of been in a place where she determines if and when she comes back...it's just a matter of informing you. Now, she might actually have the idea that you might have some input into this decision...that you might not be there with open arms and she might have to convince you she's worth taking back. She's still quite young so I think what appears to be games is what works best on her.

phoenix,

i wanted to take a moment and say you and i aren't really any different. i wanted her to stay tuesday nite so bad. i really did. but it's not the right thing to do. you are strong enough to do this also. i'll be honest, doing it is SCARY. because we don't know the ultimate outcome of our actions before hand. but, if you've been doing the same thing over and over and it's not working, try something different. what do you have to lose? Your W or M? maybe. you're self-respect for letting her control you? that's all it took for me to be strong enough to do what i'm doing. thinking about letting someone else, not just a 21yo girl, control my life and it's outcome p^sses me off and i'm not about to let that happen. hope this helps you to continue to be strong and do what needs to be done.