The SMACK is for allowing your W to continue to consume your thoughts. No, you didnt act on them but allowing them to dominate so much of your headspace is equally as bad and shows zero signs of detachement on your part.
She chose the single life so let her deal with *all* aspects of being single and that includes the problems that arise.
I cant tell you how many times my H said to me "this is hard" when we were having our asset talk about the health insurance. His feelings to own and process and I didnt even respond with a comment. Yup, its hard and his problem. It sounds cold but its the reality of the situation.
You cant be partners with somebody just when you need something, its all or nothing. She chose nothing so let her deal with her issues on her own. Its not easy to watch somebody we care about struggle (and that goes for any R, not just a marriage) but there were many alternatives that she CHOSE not to take before walking away. Again, that was her choice but now that she is starting to feel the consequences those are hers to deal with.
Just because you dont act on your feelings it doesnt mean much has changed because they still swim in your head with full force. Not acting on them is a positive. Now you really need to focus on not thinking and worrying about them. Things are just fine for you and that is all that matters at this point and time.
