Did you respond to the BIL? I missed it if you did.
Also, did you ever talk to an L and get your mind together on exactly what you ARE going to ask for in spousal support? The sooner you just decide on this, the sooner you can proceed and then not have any further questions about what you are going to ask for.
As for all the wimmins sniffing around and suggesting you meet their friends/sisters/etc, or offering themselves up for your services...
I hope you can just stand back and smile at this point, be flattered, but just focus on the kids and stay as grounded as possible. Rolls in the hay come easy, hopefully you know that by now. But is anything easy really worth it? Just know if you "go there", it will not be worth the very little effort it takes. There are so many many lonely women in the world (men too, but women tend to wear it on their sleeve more). You will be a hot dating commodity at some point in the near future, when you are really healed and moved on. When your WAW doesn't drive you crazy any more, when lies she tells has no effect on you, when particular songs don't make you hurt inside, then you will be ready.
I know you have been through hell in these 5 months but you are going to come out better for it in the end.
I liked what you said about how you are now seeing other moms in action and realizing (or admitting to yourself) that your W was not exactly mom of the year. This is a very good - albeit painful - thing for you to face. I had to face the same thing when I left my H. I had always considered him a really good dad. When I left, I had to see that I was wrong in that, had to see where I had just been covering up his tracks. It hurt like hell, as his fathering was the one thing I felt he added to our marriage with no questions. Turned out, I just didn't want to see the truth. Both kids have since told me many things I didn't know, things I should have realized but as I said, I kept covering his tracks for him so the truth would not be seen. But once I really faced it, accepted it, and understood that he actually wasn't that great of a father...it really helped me move on and stop having fears and doubts about my new course in life.
On another message board I had tried to share my story and was immediately b*tch-slapped for having affairs and there was zero sympathy. I was told no matter what the marriage problems were, everything was my fault because of the A's. Nothing my H did was relevant to my story. OK I guess I could understand this, but when a few details came about from me about how my H had abandoned our son after our separation, and suddenly then it was "well that was because of your A's". OH! So...my actions were all my fault, and his actions were also all my fault. What?! Erm...yeah. That made sense.
Anyway sorry to ramble, just sharing.
I hope everything otherwise in your life is going well. Stay healty, stay grounded, keep focused on the kids, keep looking toward a better future for you all.
