I haven't read any of your history, however, I just read your last posting. As I read it, I had many flashbacks of my own. It's as if we have followed the same foot path along the way... for a long while I had my head firmly planted in the sand, and then for some odd reason, I too, snooped.
Yes, I felt like a fool, yes, I was angrier than hell, I had gone through many of the same emotions you are going through now.... and I have a feeling this is a necessary process for us to go through in order to fully let go and live for ourselves once and for all.
Own your anger, then use it to help propel yourself to the level you need in order to safely let go of the past once and for all... It was after this I finally realized I deserved so much more than that smuck could ever offer, and there's no way I'd ever let myself down like that again.
It was worth the snooping and all the pain I caused myself because I finally let go of my denial. It was very freeing, once I was able to reframe the pain I had found, and turned the anger into the energy I needed to move forward.
I hope this helps....
Cheer up, you didn't cause the mess, you did nothing to deserve it either, what you read was all in the past, a painful past, but one that doesn't need to be living in today. So don't give it space in your life today. His life is the real mess, not yours, your soul is fine, along with your morals, ambitions, your life.
You have so much more in your life now, then you did then, you just haven't been looking. There is a light beckoning you.... You'll find great strength, understanding and hope. This abundance will be found within you... You are the custodian of this light, and only you can and will make it shine.
Make peace with the past, by living in today.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
