Magnificent

[mishka422]

Thanks for the encouragement folks. I blew a gasket this morning though.

Gabe called me to tell me he had just dropped Marc off at school. Whatever. Ok. That's what you're supposed to do dufus. Of course, I didn't say that, I just said ok. He then said that "unfortunately we are going to have to split up the weekends". Marc knows what he has to do to 'straighten up' and he just won't do it. They are going to have to be separated. I just said ok, that's fine. This next weekend is mine and then you won't have him the weekend after that either so we can get him on the new schedule. You won't see him again until 31JUL. His words to that? "Well, I told him if he wants to see me he can call me and we can hang out." What is he? His good 'ol buddy uncle who flits in and out at will? WTH? I just listened to him go on and on about how Marc might need to be scared straight. He has friends still at the jail that would lock Marc up for him for a few hours in the juvenile cells, etc.. I have no idea what he thinks that is going to accomplish. Marc makes bad choices due to impulse control issues that are not correctible with harsh treatment. Autism is not something that can be 'scared' out of a kid. It takes TONS of repeat action, repeat reward, repeat consequences. It's not a once and done proposition! Again, I just kept listening to him go on and on and sound so flippant about it.

I finally couldn't hold back another second and now I regret it. I told him that he only has him a few days a month, I have him 24/7 nearly 365 and I know how difficult he is, but it doesn't mean that I don't want him with me at all times. Gabe responded with, "That's not what you said a couple of weeks ago when you were so upset with him. You said I should just take him. Maybe I will." Oh yeah, like that's going to happen! I told him he had plenty of time to think about what he was going to say about this switch, I had been speaking that day out of immediate frustration and immediately retracted what I had said. He forgets that last part. I did say to him today that I would love to just escape and run away the way he did but I don't have that option. I have responsibilities and people who depend on me and that matters. GRRRR!!!!!!

This man has no clue the he!! I could rain down on him. All it would take is one phone call to the state CS enforcement agency and he would more than likely land in jail or on a forced state work detail with every cent he earned going straight to me. He has no clue! He pays nothing, supports nothing. I'm still pretty pissed about it all.

I did send him a text apologizing for my outburst (he hung up on me BTW) and that it just seemd like he was trying to distance himself even further from Marc right when he needed him most. He hasn't responded and I don't expect him to. That would require him to swallow some pride I think and to forgive me which he will never do.

I swear, I hate this whole situation. I should have told him to go back to CA when he said he was. I was scared what that separation would do to Marc but I honestly don't think it would be any worse than it is now.

There is something inside that is churning. I can't describe it really. It's a general feeling of foreboding. If I could put my finger on it maybe I could do something about it. It just feels like things are going to go further out of control in a very short amount of time. I'm scared out of my mind right now. Life sucks!

On a side note, my town was named #8 on the Money magazine 100 best towns to live in the US.