Magnificent

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Mish--

The gratitude journal is a great idea! I have one and D9 just started one, too. When we open a page, on one side (the back of the day before) we list all the things we are thankful for that we already have. On the facing page, we list all the things we are grateful that we know God intends for us to have. The most important thing, though, is to list those intentions as if they have already been blessed into your life. Do not word anything negatively, either. For example, instead of saying " I am grateful that we have no debt", write " I am grateful that my bills are paid in full and I have plenty of money, enabling me to take care of my family and bless others."

Do it for a month. Each day, before writing, review the day before and reflect on the gratitude in your heart for all God is doing in your life. Make sure you are in the right mind frame before you start writing the new pages. I guarantee it will change your mindset. I have only been doing it for a couple of weeks and it is helping already.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Reincarnated]

There was a night when D10 was having a terrible time falling asleep. She has internalized a lot of all that has happened, and doesn't talk about it at all. Just gets stomach aches.

So, after I sang her our nightly lullabye, I prayed to God out loud for her to hear. I said that you can always talk to Him (I still go back and forth with my faith - but in the end, it doesn't matter if it is God that you speak to, or just a deeper part of yourself - or maybe it is one in the same, who knows?) Anyway, I was saying all the things I was grateful for that she is, how she is in my life, the good things that we shared, etc.
It's a nice way to wrap up the day, too, for yourself, and might help you sleep better.

[Andabelle]

One the Cs I saw when I was in the hospital (long story) was a lady who had literally lost everything-- husband and son both died, lost her house in a flood, also has bad COPD. Anyway, she gave me a simple piece of advice that really works: whenever you get stuck in misery, look up, and you'll see something that will take you out of yourself and lift you up-- a beautiful bird, butterfly, sunset. Whenever I remember to do it, I always see something wonderful.

[mishka422]

Look up. I like that! Great thought for the day.

I had decided I wasn't going to write on my thread for a while but something happened that I'm hoping I handled ok but I could really use some feedback.

Gabe picked up Marc Friday morning. Friday evening I get a text from Gabe:

G-r u home?
M-Yes.
G-r u busy?
M-Having some downtime. What's up?
G-I'm going to kill Marc. He just tied a rope he had in his backpack around c's (OW's son) throat. They were playing around and Marc got stupid.
M-Is c ok?
G-Yes. They have been told in the past to never touch each other but they don't listen.
M-What are you doing to punish him?
G-I don't know yet. Any suggestions?
M-You will need to decide that when he is with you.
G-I was thinking of telling him he has to go home.
M-That is not punishment for him.
G-Yeah. I figured you would say that.
M-Let me know what you decide and if it's something that needs to be carried over into the week.
G-It may end up that we have to separate their weekends.


Gee, wouldn't it be too bad that they would never have a weekend without kids? I still haven't heard one word about what punishment he gave him, if any. He honestly has no clue how to parent does he?

Did I do the right thing? Should I have just let him send him home and dealt with it myself?

[Reincarnated]

no - you did perfect.

You might want to ask Marc about it when he gets home, though - shows you and Gabe are on the same page (well, we can pretend, can't we?)

[MichelleLT]

Heh. He's so good with the discipline thing.

(((Mishka))) You handled it great. He needs to deal with that stuff.

[BobbiJo]

I know it sucks but the reality is when he is with Gabe, Gabe needs to be in charge. Even though your words indicate that is a stretch for him....jump in now, and you will be the go-to person every time there is any kind of 'situation' with Marc at Gabe's place.

Using your house as a punishment is wrong either way. First, b/c your son doesn't see it as a punishment. Second, b/c you would never want him to START thinking that coming home to you = punishment....

Keep hanging in there...

[dday101798]

Hey msih,

You did just fine. XW has tons of issues controlling my boys' attitudes. Everytime I pick them up they are giving her lip. I let it go for a while to se what she'd do, but they normally don't comply. I'll finally dive in and politely remind them, versus screaming as she does, that they are talking to their mother and to be repectful.

Normally I only have to "threaten" action on them taking them back to her at the end of the weekend.

[mishka422]

Thanks for the encouragement folks. I blew a gasket this morning though.

Gabe called me to tell me he had just dropped Marc off at school. Whatever. Ok. That's what you're supposed to do dufus. Of course, I didn't say that, I just said ok. He then said that "unfortunately we are going to have to split up the weekends". Marc knows what he has to do to 'straighten up' and he just won't do it. They are going to have to be separated. I just said ok, that's fine. This next weekend is mine and then you won't have him the weekend after that either so we can get him on the new schedule. You won't see him again until 31JUL. His words to that? "Well, I told him if he wants to see me he can call me and we can hang out." What is he? His good 'ol buddy uncle who flits in and out at will? WTH? I just listened to him go on and on about how Marc might need to be scared straight. He has friends still at the jail that would lock Marc up for him for a few hours in the juvenile cells, etc.. I have no idea what he thinks that is going to accomplish. Marc makes bad choices due to impulse control issues that are not correctible with harsh treatment. Autism is not something that can be 'scared' out of a kid. It takes TONS of repeat action, repeat reward, repeat consequences. It's not a once and done proposition! Again, I just kept listening to him go on and on and sound so flippant about it.

I finally couldn't hold back another second and now I regret it. I told him that he only has him a few days a month, I have him 24/7 nearly 365 and I know how difficult he is, but it doesn't mean that I don't want him with me at all times. Gabe responded with, "That's not what you said a couple of weeks ago when you were so upset with him. You said I should just take him. Maybe I will." Oh yeah, like that's going to happen! I told him he had plenty of time to think about what he was going to say about this switch, I had been speaking that day out of immediate frustration and immediately retracted what I had said. He forgets that last part. I did say to him today that I would love to just escape and run away the way he did but I don't have that option. I have responsibilities and people who depend on me and that matters. GRRRR!!!!!!

This man has no clue the he!! I could rain down on him. All it would take is one phone call to the state CS enforcement agency and he would more than likely land in jail or on a forced state work detail with every cent he earned going straight to me. He has no clue! He pays nothing, supports nothing. I'm still pretty pissed about it all.

I did send him a text apologizing for my outburst (he hung up on me BTW) and that it just seemd like he was trying to distance himself even further from Marc right when he needed him most. He hasn't responded and I don't expect him to. That would require him to swallow some pride I think and to forgive me which he will never do.

I swear, I hate this whole situation. I should have told him to go back to CA when he said he was. I was scared what that separation would do to Marc but I honestly don't think it would be any worse than it is now.

There is something inside that is churning. I can't describe it really. It's a general feeling of foreboding. If I could put my finger on it maybe I could do something about it. It just feels like things are going to go further out of control in a very short amount of time. I'm scared out of my mind right now. Life sucks!

On a side note, my town was named #8 on the Money magazine 100 best towns to live in the US.

[Andabelle]

Maybe it's time you dropped the hammer on him, Mish.