Ya. I was thinking about it more this morning and it was hard seeing her and then seeing her look frusturated about her weekend. She doesn't realize how much I love her and want to step in and help her. But I just can't right now and she wouldn't have any part of it. I guess welcome to the single life.
Her drivers license is expired to and she can't get that renewed until her van passes inspection. On top of that, she likes to go out and party and drink and drive. If she ends up getting a DUI with an expired drivers license and a vehicle that has not passed inspection, wow. That won't be a good night for her. Ironically, she never seems to get caught though.
She had spent yesterday cleaning up the kids rooms and didn't find either of their cell phones. So I guess we are getting them new ones.
As usual, its always hard to see her and then see her walk away knowing that nothing has changed in her. She has a ton of pride in her decisions and it takes a miracle to change that. I will say she is definitely a survivor in whatever form that may come in.
The long journey continues.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I find myself wanting to tell W how hard it is to watch her walk away each time we exchange the kids. But I don't say anything. It really is difficult though.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I'm not sure that I follow the *SMACK* being as how I don't tell her its hard to see her walk away.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
The SMACK is for allowing your W to continue to consume your thoughts. No, you didnt act on them but allowing them to dominate so much of your headspace is equally as bad and shows zero signs of detachement on your part.
She chose the single life so let her deal with *all* aspects of being single and that includes the problems that arise.
I cant tell you how many times my H said to me "this is hard" when we were having our asset talk about the health insurance. His feelings to own and process and I didnt even respond with a comment. Yup, its hard and his problem. It sounds cold but its the reality of the situation.
You cant be partners with somebody just when you need something, its all or nothing. She chose nothing so let her deal with her issues on her own. Its not easy to watch somebody we care about struggle (and that goes for any R, not just a marriage) but there were many alternatives that she CHOSE not to take before walking away. Again, that was her choice but now that she is starting to feel the consequences those are hers to deal with.
Just because you dont act on your feelings it doesnt mean much has changed because they still swim in your head with full force. Not acting on them is a positive. Now you really need to focus on not thinking and worrying about them. Things are just fine for you and that is all that matters at this point and time.
Trying to over come all the mistakes I have made in the past and in this process just seems like an impossible situation at times. But I try and keep faith none the less.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
"She has a ton of pride in her decisions and it takes a miracle to change that."
Seriously? You're throwing the blame back onto your W?
What exactly have you changed from that list she gave you? It was pretty comprehensive and she told you EXACTLY what was wrong with you. At least your W is able to articulate things and quite frankly if you had addressed those issues in the beginning of this process you wouldn't be where you are now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Then don't you think she can see right thru you, if you're still THINKING these things, even though you're not ACTING on them??
I guar-an-damn-tee you, she can READ YOU LIKE A BOOK. This is why CG and others are trying to get you to TRULY change the way you think (DETACH!), and not just what you do or don't act upon.
