I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow - part 2

[1853dave]

Thanks S,

It is sometimes hard to know what to do... I don't know what she's thinking, and I can't go day to day trying to figure it out either (we all know that!). I think I need to ramp down the touching I sometimes do... but I don't think she's been absolutely avoiding me. Or has she...? It's hard to see the signs. They aren't always obvious. Maybe by backing off, it will give her room to pursue me for a change.

Things seem so status quo - I see no changes in things. At least nothing bad has been happening. I have been avoiding anything confrontational, which usually revolves around time with the kids, or last minute changes in schedules. Perhaps there just haven't been any...but the other day I was waiting for them to show up at home so I could take the kids somewhere, she was late. So, I called to see if they were ok, and there was no answer. So, I sat out on the grass and waited in the shade until they arrived. She was apologetic, said she left her cell phone in the car, and lost track of time while she was talking to our D's friend's Mom... I figured as much, so I totally downplayed it, and I could sense her relief. After all, we are all late at times... I wonder if she expected me to be angry.

I'm worried about a few upcoming things. Our D day is scheduled for October. We're supposed to have mediation and all worked out a month prior. Time is running out, it seems. I'm in month 9 of the separation. I have to move from the condo I'm renting to somewhere else by the end of next week. I just found out Friday that they don't want us collecting money for overtime due to budget problems. I was really relying on that OT pay to get by all these months. So, I have money to live on for maybe another 2 or 3 months in my account. I've been renting a furnished place, but now I might have to suck it up and start taking things from the family home. That could possibly lead to some contention.

Our director at work keeps tabs on me (she's pretty insightful), and she asked me if I thought about asking W if she'd be willing to submit to the courts to remove that D date. After all, we are communicating better now, and interacting better now (perhaps better than the past 2 years). Funny, I had been thinking the same thing on my own. I don't know how it would go over... I called my DB counselor, and we are meeting tomorrow to discuss strategies. She already told me it would be a BIG 180 to approach W on this.

There will have to be some decisions made soon. All I want to do is move back home with the family. I want it, both kids want it - heck, I'm sure even the dog wants it! But, when W is queen of the universe, nobody else has any say!

I did have a GREAT weekend with the kids - we went to the mountains and had a blast! I'm sure they'll talk about this weekend for some time.