So it begins to get over my wife

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You handled it fine. Next time, maybe throw in a validation preface, such as:

Her: "Wow, that really hurts, you didn't remember me."

You: "I'm sorry, that's certainly not my intention. Look, I gotta run, I was just headed out the door. I"ll talk to you later -- bye!"

but other than that, I'd say you handled it perfectly.

Remember, this feels wrong because of your INSTINCTS. And your instincts, frankly, HAVEN'T GOTTEN YOU WHERE YOU'VE NEEDED TO GO.

DBing IS COUNTERINTUITIVE. It WILL feel wrong at many points.

The other "mistake" you're making -- or I should say the other way you're reading this wrong -- is that you're judging "success" by how she reacts, SHORT-TERM. Specifically, how she responds to you right at that moment.

I'd encourage you to begin, if you haven't already, to judge your success two ways:

1. By "Did I do the right thing?" and

2. OVER TIME, is she making a move back toward the marriage?

The problem most newcomers have -- hell, the problem most VETERANS have -- is that we quickly ditch #1 in the face of a short-term negative respond to #2: we "blink."

As Gucci suggested, go and read Pearlharbor's old threads. Her boyfriend did NOT immediately respond to what she was doing, not in any good way. But OVER TIME, it WORKED.

Puppy

[sandi2]

I LOVE IT!! She will be texting every minute, but don't fall into her trap while she's playing this emotional cr@p. Just ignore those TM or you will walk into her web.

You are fantastic! BTW, I noticed she was referring to it as if the plans for her to come over was "both" of yours. Strange, I thought she was the master behind that one!

Expect anything.....and I mean ANYTHING from her now. Be strong and don't cave. She acts out of emotions and I think she will do whatever it takes to get your undivided attention to see if she still can. Right now, she's playing "you don't care about me" card.

I loved the way way you replied to her. Perfect!

Sandi

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's like she's a petulant child right now. How would you react to a petulant child?

[gucci loafer]

so W just txted asking "do you still want me to come up on tuesday?"

i replied, "i'm sorry i totally forgot. we will have to do it another day."

Excellent. Just as we wrote the script. Good job.

she texts back, "WOW kay. you've been ignoring me again. what's up with that?"

No answer necessary here. Only answer this question when confronted in person or on the phone... Your answer is...
"No I am not ignoring you. Not at all... Anyway... I don't have time to talk right now. I have someone on the other line. Talk to you later"....

she then called while i was finishing reading her text. i answered, and she says, "how could you forget? we made plans?" i said i didn't remember them being finalized. a friend asked to do something with me tuesday.

See how good your plan worked.. You have her wondering (which is what you want her to be doing) notice how quickly she called you.. Notice how she changed her original "tuesday or wednesday.. to "we made plans" as if it was now in stone...

Very good. This is the right direction and you handled it like a champion. This is how guys who GET the woman proceed when the woman is acting as your woman has been.

she said," that really hurts. how could you forget about me?"
i said "i'm sorry, but hey i was just leaving, we can talk later."

Perfect.... Just perfect.... Hold the line. Stay on this course. Let HEr chase you. (works better that way. she is dying to chase you. LET HER)

she said, "it doesn't matter, and i don't matter. bye" i said bye and then hung up on her.


grrrrrr. did this go right? it felt really weird!!!!!

It went almost PERFECT. It felt weird because you are so addicted to chasing and pursuing and letting her run this circus that if feels weird to take a risk huh? What? The risk that she starts to wonder if SHE screwed up and has lost you?

Come on.. She needs to know and feel that she MAY have lost you. That isn't done by hanging in there and such...

UPDATE:

W just txted again saying,

I'm going to come get mina on Wednesday. i can't believe you Josh. You're right you have changed and you aren't treating me like a person. have fun.

BINGO.. So... She texted (contacted) you AGAIN..
She then TELLS you that she IS coming Wednesday.. NOT MAYBE SHE WAS COMING wednesday or thursday.. But she WAS coming Wednesday....

I like the "have fun" comment...

This is working like a charm...... I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from her before Wednesday...

Excellent job... Keep it up.. Hold the line here. Do NOT backslide and get all wishy washy....


She WILL be in contact.... GUARANTEED...

[mdoodles]

hey gucci - wanted to tell u that i love your advice and love to see it work!

i need to implement some of this

[gucci loafer]

We have to prepare you for your confrontation speech.

As you keep heading in the direction you are now in, she will be getting more curious to what is going on in your mind. (she has already hinted that she is now wondering what in the world is going on and hoping she isn't losing control of you)

At some point.. (not now, too early) she will ask you what is up with you and why you are acting this way..(she has already hinted a couple of times in only one day of this change in you)


You need to start practicing your response....

It will start with..... "Well, I have been doing some thinking. I HAVE DECIDED that" (and then you will fill in the things YOU have now decided) such as.. I don't want to be with someone who just ups and leaves... I don't want to be with a woman who can't make up their mind... I don't want to be with a woman who is texting another man.... I am going to be with someone who.....(fill in the blank) I realize that you are right and I think it is a good idea that we spend some time apart. I need some space to think.....
Those are the types of thoughts and things that you will say when you give her your.. "I HAVE BEEN DOING SOME THINKING AND I HAVE DECIDED speech...

Not now.. Too early.. It won't be long though, so get your "I have decided comments ready in your mind.

[gucci loafer]

hey gucci - wanted to tell u that i love your advice and love to see it work!

Thanks. That is very kind of you. I find it fascinating too.
I still sometimes watch this stuff work and have to chuckle..

I was once as blind as many on this site are...

Until I did my homework of what works and what doesn't work...
It amazed me to discover what really does work. and what doesn't...

I can't help it that "social interacting" with someone of the opposite sex works.
I can't help it if letting go works better than hanging on.
I didn't invent what works.... Just observed and admitted it....

Do what works.

[mdoodles]

if u have time, check out my thread and see what i can maybe do different...thanks.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

hey gucci - wanted to tell u that i love your advice and love to see it work!

i need to implement some of this

I think LOTS of people do . . .

[Phoenixdeux]

Wow,

This is really following script. I'm not chiming in because you are getting good advice from Gucci, Sandi, and Puppy. You're a stronger man than me; I'd have probably caved and went with the Tuesday night thing. Good for you being strong. I would like to say that you don't want to give up being a nice guy....so even though you have made other plans or whatnot, that you still have to respect her feelings. I think it would be right to say, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

I would like to say that you do need to be gone the night you said. If she comes by and finds you there....?? Probably won't help.

I do think that you are going a long ways towards establishing a more workable relationship. Up to this point she's kind of been in a place where she determines if and when she comes back...it's just a matter of informing you. Now, she might actually have the idea that you might have some input into this decision...that you might not be there with open arms and she might have to convince you she's worth taking back. She's still quite young so I think what appears to be games is what works best on her.