I am troubled by what appear to be her attempts at concealing information from you. Not surprised, just concerned. Do you have solid proof of an EA/PA? If you did, it seems that would change your approach to this sitch - would it? If it truly is a dealbreaker (not blaming you if it is), then it seems you need to find out if that is, in fact, going on.
If it is not a deal breaker, then would you approach change? If your approach would not change, then you have to decide about whether you want to find out about any EA/PA. Tough call, and I think Puppy, Coach, Sandi could guide you better than me.
I suspected it in my case. I did a little snooping (which I have since stopped - just too painful) and did not find any evidence. Anything's possible, just don't think that is present in my sitch.
There are a lot of different possible explanations for your W's behavior, including that there is no reason. Could be she is mad you accused her of something that is not there (maybe it is, and it's her guilt/defensiveness). But, the reasons don't matter (you know this already). All that matters is how this might affect the way you work on you.
Don't know if that answered any of your questions. Just my take.
