I just remembered that "you" were one of those men I have talked to about the hormone thing. B/c you were so inspired knowing you were in a house of females......
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
How about GAL and being a man only a fool would leave? That'd be taking it in a whole new direction and a 180' and not pursuing while also not being a doormat?
You are giving her way way too much power and I don't think she wants it.
I'm going to post something a man wrote to a friend in your shoes. SHe wanted her WAS back and felt extra bad one day, due to something he did or didn't do...here's what a great guy named Was2Sad wrote to her:
Look at me and listen now. Do not use his name or his alias in the same sentence with the word happy. Not because you think he may or not be, but because the two are of no consequence to you.
Any time you spend wondering if he is having fun is time you should be spending thinking about the blessings you have. Time you could be using to make plans for enjoying your life with your kids. The fact that he will not be doing that has nothing to do with your priorities.
When you are thinking too much about him, stop and seek solitude. Concentrate and focus on you. Think what makes you special. Think what makes your kids wonderful. Put your goggles on and look in the mirror. I just threw that one in to see if you could with a straight face.
Really, we all have moments on the roller coaster we would just like to puke and get it all out. You know at the same time that this ride will not kill us, and when it is over we will wonder what all the fuss was about. Hard to see it that way right now. In time, it will come. Allow yourself to think of something else. Allow yourself to imagine the world is still round and the sun will come up tomorrow.
Imagine yourself very very happy. Don't focus on the details of how or when right now. Just see yourself being happy. What do you like to do by yourself when you are happy? What do you like to do with just the kids when you are happy? Why aren't you doing those things right now? What plans do you have for doing all that this week? These are the things you should fill your mind with. Anything else is meaningless in life. Anything else in life is a distraction, an illusion. Focus on the important stuff and smile.
Stuck, try this okay? GET SERIOUS ABOUT GAL and seeing its' value. Multi-dimensionally a good thing...or your name, "Stuck" will be a reality. You don't want this name or sitch forever do you? But only you can get yourself unstuck. When I see you post about taking it to the next level, I worry that you have missed out on what you tell others to do or think and you skip it yourself. You know that is not what you have to do. You have to GAL and focus on you. I mean it when I say she does not want all the power you are giving her b/c she isn't "in love" with you. that's why you need to stop the pursuit and become a man only a fool would leave. That means a bit of mystery and growth on your own so she can grasp that a woman would be lucky to have you as her mate. Believe it. IF you don't, then fake it 'til you make it. Gimmicky? Yes. Does it work? YES! So do what works and GAL and stop constantly staring at her. OMG...too much pressure. (BTW, if you had said "no" to her request, you'd have lost a big point. You were right to say "go ahead and have fun" unless it's something you would enjoy. My take on it is that is was about her and coworkers, correct? NO one else is bringing their spouse right? )
Back to YOU... Make sense? J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yeah I understand. It's hard to shake the "work" stuff because I know the OM will be there too. She told me not many people will be bringing their spouse or kids there, but the jealousy is hard to shake sometimes.
Like this weekend, everything is great and again we act as if everything is normal.
I just get the anxiety of her being with the OM.
Gotta shake it out!
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
On the W front, she continues to be in an overall good mood and she is laughing much more. Which makes me both glad and anxious at the same time. I'm glad she's starting to get out of her funk and yet I'm anxious of there being OM even though there has been none of the clues.
But I keep on keepin' on.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think that's normal. No OM in my sitch (anything's possible, but no evid.) and when W acts nicer than normal, it makes me anxious that she is setting me up for something. Just have to put it out of my mind - mind reading won't help and is usually not accurate.
Stuck, their is a fellow DBer who is having a really rough time tonight. Shocked One in "Newbie with WAW 2" could use some encouragement if you could help him out.
Thanks, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I checked out your thread, you've asked Kevin some very good questions, and given him some good advice. Are you following the advice that you're giving others?
I have definitely been trying to practice what I preach. I feel that if it wasn't for the support and advice (and 2x4's), I wouldn't be where I am now.
If you would've asked me last year if I would have thought things would improve between my W and I, I would have said "no way". She was spiteful, lying, blamed me for everything, etc.
So I literally immersed myself in books. Everything from relationship/marriage books to how to read body language, forgiveness, confidence, alpha male stuff, how to pick up women, laws of attraction, MLC, etc. I've applied a little of everything to build myself back up and learn how to interact with my W.
Today we get along really well, she's at home and we're sleeping in the same bed, however with no intimacy but that will come in time.
It wasn't until I really understood that I really don't have any control over my W's feelings that I just let things go. She sees I'm becoming a better person and it's up to her whether or not she wants to join me. Do I do it for her? no. I do it for myself.
Do I backslide? sure do. But I keep praying and keep on keepin' on.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
